Some Thoughts Entering the (Almost) New Year

I want to write an end-of-the-year post. A lot of blog writers do this, and while I haven't been at the keyboard much in the latter half of this year, I find myself seated in front of my screen, hands on the keys, prepped and ready for inspiration.

The truth is, the new year doesn't really start until January 10 for me. I want to write about all the things that took place in 2012, but I know the next week and a half truly represents the closing of my year. I suppose I'll just wait until then to really dig in and write out the details of all that's happened in this past year for me and my family. There is so much to tell, so many lessons learned. But I think God has at least one more before the end of these next 10 days.

For now, I will simply say that I only had one real goal for 2012: to get through it. Nothing fancy. No detailed maps. No new year's resolutions. No earth-shattering visions. Just make it through. And by the grace of God, we've done just that.

...and so much more.

The Language of Your Mission is Important

I have written in other posts about the fact that I am a word person. I love words. I love turning a series of words into a memorable phrase. Sometimes it is for the sake of humor, other times to make a point, and other times to define a purpose. And yet for all the time and energy I put into crafting sentences (yes, that includes when I'm simply having a conversation; I'm always searching for the best word for that moment), there was a glaring mistake in a key area of language in my life - my mission statement.

I fashioned my mission statement over five years ago after going through a series of classes/lectures/discussions at my church on leadership. I spent months reading and gathering phrases that truly captured my heart for why I am here and what I am here to accomplish. I had pages of quotes and even more pages of ideas, key words, random thoughts, all compiled so that I could sit down, take a 50,000 foot fly-by view of them and latch onto the theme of my life's purpose. Then I sat down and wrote it all out.

And I fully believed I'd nailed it.

My mission has been this: To be joyfully spent making others glad in God.

It's short. It's memorable (for me and others). It uses words that are important to me and how I am wired. It puts forth the notion that I desire to tirelessly work for the advancement of the Kingdom of God and seeing others fall in love with Him. It was perfect!

.....or so I thought. Recently, as I hinted at in my previous post, I was awakened to the fact that something was amiss in my well-crafted, pithy mission statement. Take a look at it again and ask yourself this question: Based on that phrase, whose responsibility is it to see others made glad? For those who are not so grammatically inclined, the answer is - me. My mission statement would have you believe that I am responsible for others becoming glad in the Lord. Let me be very clear at this point: that is utterly and completely impossible.

I cannot make someone glad in God. I cannot incline their hearts toward Him. I cannot overcome sin and death and the enemy in someone else's life. I cannot do that for even my own life! I could certainly spend myself attempting to do this, but it would lead to failure after failure because that is a mission that I cannot accomplish. If I never changed this phrase, I would live a life wherein my mission would come to nothing.

I was shocked as the Lord revealed this to me. You see, I was placing to onus of responsibility on myself, when in reality, only God can make someone glad in God. Only He has the power and love and grace and mercy to change a man's heart and renew his mind. No amount of human effort will ever soften a heart to the point of turning to God. 'There is none who seek God; no, not one.' No matter how eloquently I speak, without the anointing of the Holy Spirit, no one's ears will be unstopped so that they can truly hear the message of the Gospel. It is God's job, and only His, to transform people.

Some of you reading this might be thinking, 'Gosh, Joe, take it easy. So you phrased something wrong. It's not that big of a deal.' I would say in response the same thing Bill Hybels leads with in his book Axiom: language matters. This seeming slip of grammar actually revealed my heart's true position. I wanted to be the one to see these things happen. I wanted to be the teacher, preacher, counselor, mentor, friend who saw people's eyes opened to the beauty of the Gospel and the joy and peace found only in Christ. Is that a bad thing? On the surface, no. But it shows a tendency to place that pressure on myself rather than humbly submitting all things to the Lord and getting out of His way to move in people's lives. I was taking the posture of the little train that could, 'I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.' I am guilty of a Superman complex, attempting to do far more than what He would have for me to do.

Please hear me well and clearly on this: I do want to see all of these things happen. I want to be used by God for great things. I want to see many and more people freed from guilt and shame and rejoicing in their joy and freedom in Christ. More than anything, I want that. What I have realized is that I want to see that happen, whether I am directly involved in the process or not. Thus, I have rephrased my mission. The difference may seem slight, but for me it's like jumping over the Grand Canyon using a pogo stick. This was a revelation only God could have brought about in my life. Here is the updated version:

To be joyfully spent seeing others made glad in God.

Do you see it? I am effectively out of the picture with this. I still want to give everything I have to God with joy ('joyfully spent'), but I am not making others glad. I am seeing them made glad. Which means what I am committing myself to is keeping my eyes open for wherever God is working and putting my energies there, joining in where He is already at work, giving the gifts He has given me back to Him for His people, and standing back to see what He does with it all. I fully believe my joy in Him will be magnified all the more as I remove myself from the scene and watch Him work out 'all things for the good of those who love Him.'

The Dream that Woke Me Up

Have you ever had a moment where you really wanted to do something, something you knew wasn't in God's will for your life and He just wouldn't let you do it? Your flesh is simply screaming for you to engage in something - a behavior, a relationship, a mindset - and it is almost as thought the Lord is right there, calmly but irrevocably saying, 'No. I am not letting this happen. I don't care how bad you think you want it. The answer is no.'

This was my experience recently. And I love Him for it.

I found myself in a situation where I wanted, with everything worldly in me, to settle into a mindset that was contrary to much of what I previously strongly held. I started toying with the idea slowing down, focusing on 'me', doing what I needed to do to ensure I was set up, comfortable, able to live without some of the pressures that have historically come when living sold out for the Gospel. I was still going to church, still involved in ministry, still had a heart for seeing God work in my life, my kids' lives, and the lives of those close to me. But I was not focused on God's heart for my neighbors or my neighborhood. I was not listening to what He wanted me to say to someone, how I should pray for people, or even what to write here. In short, I was distracted by my circumstances and focusing on what I needed for 'me'. And oh! how empty it felt. I was not living in a way that magnified eternity. I was trying to settle into the standard, middle-class, culturally Christian life.

And He wouldn't let me do it.

There came a moment, after a particularly stressful day, when it felt as though scales had been removed from my eyes. I looked around as though I was really seeing for the first time in months, and I thought, 'I don't want this. This isn't me. I will not do this anymore.' A few days later I had to have a few hard conversations, mostly with myself, and I went to bed feeling at peace. That night, I did something I do not do often - I dreamed. It was a lucid dream, and honestly there was only a very small portion of it that I remembered. Naturally, it is the part the took place right before I woke up. But it was THE point of the dream.

I dreamed of Christen standing by a tree. The tree was huge, and I couldn't see the top of it because of the brilliant light that was shining through it. I only glanced at the tree, though, because once I saw Christen, I could not take my eyes off of her. Her hair was a radiant blonde, as though light itself was coming from each individual strand. She was taller than she had been when she was here. And her face. It was free of both blemish and makeup. She appeared in one sense pale but in another sense illuminated. Her lips weren't any shade of pink or red - they were like a type of silver. Her eyes were like spotlights that pierced straight through me. And yet for all her terrifying beauty, I could not help but to go to her. I said, 'I've been looking all over for you,' and we hugged. Then I woke up.

I felt stronger, more assured of what I was doing and what I am supposed to do than I have felt since she passed. It was a confirmation to me that I was back on the right path, and that there would be help for me as I continue to live out this life of faith and hope, help from God Himself by way of His Son through His Holy Spirit.

There will be more to come on this, but since then I have reevaluated and edited my mission statement for the first time in over five years. And I have begun the process of getting lower before God and humbly coming to Him. Just coming to Him. Not so that I can do this or that. Not to garner more of something. Not even asking for the strength or faith to do great exploits for Him. Just getting low and coming to Him. What He does with that is all in His hands.

Hey Dude, Where's Your blog?

The last time I wrote was toward the end of June (on my & Christen's wedding anniversary, to be exact). Since then much has taken place. This post is meant to be a general update in answer to the title's question. I have been asked a few times (and only a few times, thanks to the sensitivity of those close to me), 'Are you still writing?' The fact is I was not. I had ideas, but even they slowed for a time. But the other day I felt the Lord impress upon to refocus. I had begun to settle into 'life', and Christen's words came back to reinvigorate me - Beloved, DO NOT SETTLE. So here I am, writing again. Here's what has gone on in the last few months (more will come of all of these snippets, to be sure, but it's a start):

For starters, Audrey has commenced first grade in public school. Many of you who previously read Christen's blog know that we homeschooled Audrey for the first couple years of her education. Prior to Christen being sick or passing, we had decided it was the best move for her to go to school outside the home. I am not interesting in starting a debate on this topic (at this point in time), but suffice it to say that we made this decision understanding all of the implications and feeling it was the best move for our family. So, off she went....for 4 days and then the teachers went on strike for 9 days....and then she started again! It's been a few weeks now, and Audrey is [mostly] doing well. She's bright, she's well-mannered, and she seems to get along with several people in her class. Her teacher said to me once, "She's very well behaved, and she's SO empathetic with any of the kids who are having a rough time." I was a proud papa on that one. Still, she has her struggles - namely that she doesn't understand why some kids just won't listen to the teacher! We are figuring out a good routine as each week passes and getting better with it. I am learning a ton about what it means to have a school-aged child. Better adjust fast - next year they'll both be in school. Yikes! But that's a separate post all together.

Additionally, I started in a new job in mid-August. I am currently the E-learning Systems Technology Analyst for Lurie Children's Hospital of Chicago. That's a fancy title. What it really means is that I work as an administrator, project manager, office manager, technology supporter, and database manager for all of the e-learning that takes place in the hospital, specifically as it pertains to training people to use the electronic medical records system. It's.....a lot. I am busy learning several systems at once while also learning a new work culture, new bosses, and a new team.

Also, I was quite busy through the summer working with the young adult ministry (called Advance) at my church. We saw some tremendous things take place, and it was a great blessing to be part of a team that came together to connect the young adults of our church to each other. It's a huge population in our congregation, and I have loved being involved with guiding and directing how we have done what we have done.

Beyond this, I have had the opportunity to speak a handful of times. I have had the privilege of speaking to a bible study largely made up of ex-convicts, to a small but growing church (both spiritually and numerically), to the young adults of my church, and to my hometown congregation in an outdoor service. Each engagement brought such a different dynamic to the table, and I was honored to get to speak about what the Bible says on a variety of topics - everything from the preeminence of Christ to His being sufficient for us. The responses of the people in each circumstance were as unique as the topics themselves. I was so grateful not only for the opportunity but also for the fact that God chose to use me to speak forth His Word. I felt greatly inadequate in and of myself, but I had such a confidence in what the Bible says and He enabled me to speak with boldness. I simply love seeing how God does that.

Through all of this, though, in the back of my mind, constantly, there was a desire to write. I have missed this. And so I shall write again. I believe now more than ever that this is something I must do, not just something I want to do. I allowed myself to be distracted - sure, with noble things, but distracted nonetheless - and I desire to be distracted no more. To write is part of my calling, a stewardship I have neglected for some months. I don't know what this blog will look like going forward - how often, when, what topics, etc - but it will not slip my time again. Even if I don't publish everything I put down, I will write. I look forward to what will come of it, just as I hope you will look forward to reading it.

Now, let's get started....

A Love Song

I have spent this entire month trying to think of what to say on this day. Normally, I can come up with a few ideas, a phrase, even a key word, that will spark enough of something to get my mind and emotions together in order to express the message I desire. I have even taken these last few weeks 'off' from writing in anticipation of writing this post. The day is rapidly drawing to a close; it's 11:27 on the anniversary of my wedding, and I just came to this realization:

There aren't words.

There aren't lonely enough words to express how deeply I miss my wife.

There aren't sufficient celebratory words to communicate the beauty of the marriage we shared.

There isn't a sensual enough vocabulary to describe the intimacy of truly knowing her the way I knew her.

For perhaps the first time in my life, I am at an actual loss for words. I have used that expression many times, but inevitably I follow it up with something clever or witty or insightful or inspiring. I don't know if I'll be able to do any of that here.

I wanted to find a way to tell you all what an astonishing woman Christen was. I wanted to communicate the depth of her beauty, the ferocity of her loyalty, the sweetness of her smile, the song-like quality of her voice, the way her fingers fit in mine, the way she loved the Lord, me, the kids, family, friends, strangers, everyone. I wanted just the right phrasing and prose and poetry so that you would know - like I knew - how a marriage founded and rooted and grown in the Lord can blossom into an ever-increasing adventure of faith, hope, and love.

I couldn't come up with it. I thought about sharing stories from past anniversaries. I considered writing about the grace of a biblical marriage. I toyed with the idea of expanding on the post I wrote on her birthday, re-enumerating all of Christen's exceptional qualities and how she loved me so well as a wife. I thought I had hit on it when I remembered Song of Songs 5:16 - this is my beloved, and this is my friend - as that effectively defined our marriage.

Nothing felt right.

Today, I read a couple of her journals and the letters she had written me over the years. The first time I did this, I was deeply grieved because 1) her writing has stopped, and she was so good at it and 2) I wanted to love her more and better than I had up to that point. In rereading them today, I was encouraged. God gave me the grace to love her well, in spite of myself, and she saw and appreciated it - and she returned to me her grace-given love, which I will always cherish.

Yet even in all of her writings, I could not find the words to properly tell our story. Perhaps there are too many words and too little space to try to tell it all. Perhaps they are just inadequate words.

Ultimately, Christen provided the solution for me, as she did so frequently in our time together. There was a song that she felt defined our love. I share it with you in the hopes that you will celebrate with me this day - the day I married the most beautiful woman I've ever known.

Guest Post: On Obedience by Christen

I was reading through one of Christen's journals and came across this entry. I share it with you in the hopes it will stir you, as it did me, toward love and good deeds.

Obedience is of extreme importance. When the Lord calls you or gives you 'marching orders', listen and respond according to His instruction. Though we have free will, it is not optional to obey the Lord or not. God has a prophetic will for each of our lives and a plan to carry it out. If we don't respond, we're missing out on His perfect will, a chance to be used by God, to honor Him, to be transformed. It is not a matter of deciding for yourself what the Lord would have you do and then convince Him your plan is best. Seek His direction, read His Word, pray, meditate, worship Him. He will direct your path.

Remember Saul's disobedience when he did not destroy every Amalek and their livestock because he listened to the people [who said] that God would be better pleased with burnt offerings. The Lord regretted ever appointing Saul as king. Consider the obedience of David - on a cheese errand for his father [he] slew the giant in the name of the Lord.

Oh Lord, forgive me for my disobedience. Thank you for Your mercy and Your grace because of Your son Jesus Christ, who walked the earth in perfect obedience, even to death on a cross. Help me, Lord; by Your Spirit enable me to walk in Your ways, to hear Your voice, and battle for Your will in my life.

Quantity Time is Quality Time

I have learned exponentially more about parenting in the last 5 months than I had in the previous 5 years. Okay, that's probably an exaggeration, but it has felt like such a steep learning curve. Prior to Christen's passing, we spoke often of our parenting style, of the particulars of disciplining each child according to their unique personalities and needs, of how to impart grace so that they love obedience rather than simply obeying out of obligation, and so on. We read books together and had frequent dialogue about how each child was developing. We talked about the specific strengths and challenges we brought into the arena of parenting based out of our own upbringing and subsequent growth and maturation.

After Christen passed, I lost that moment-to-moment reflection and conversation. While I have the people who faithfully watch my kids giving me reports, getting a report from Grandma or Titi is very different than a report from Mommy.

To tell you the truth, I have had to come to grips with the fact that I leaned too heavily on Christen in raising the kids. I was out of touch at certain levels, and there was no excuse for it. Consequently, I have ground to make up with both Audrey and Hudson. And the only way to do that is time.

I read somewhere that, when it comes to spending time with small children, you can't really say, "It's not about the quantity; it's about the quality." Why? Because you can't guarantee that the sliver of time you've set aside for 'quality time' is going to be filled with quality activities. If that time is spent dealing with a fight between siblings, discipline, or just plain old grumpiness, the quality has been taken out of the time. With small children, you actually need quantity to get at quality.

Now, before I get rebuked for saying this, please understand that I am not here condemning myself or anyone else. For some of us, the schedule is what it is, and we are doing the best we can with the time we have. If that's the case - praise the Lord! But, if we're using 'quality time' as parent-ese for 'when it's convenient for me', then we need to rethink our priorities. I assure you, I am speaking about myself here, as this is really where I was coming from for too long.

Thankfully, the Lord has taught me this lesson while my kids are still young. I have ground to make up, but should the Lord grant it, I have time to make it back up. Little by little. Hour by hour. Day by day. Intentionally being with my kids and setting aside the time to see that quantity turn into quality.

Why I Like: Breakfast all day

From time to time I am going to take a moment to write about the major influences on my life: authors, preachers, music, movies, and the like. I will put these posts up in a thoroughly biased manner because each post will strictly be my opinion. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but hopefully, each post will shed some light on why I think the way I think. And, maybe, you'll come to appreciate them too.


I'll get straight to the point: I like breakfast. I like it a lot. There is very little about the Most Important Meal of the Day that I dislike. In fact, I think it is so important, that if it were at all possible, I would eat breakfast all day, every day.

Think about it: at what other meal can you combine sweet and savory, dessert and entree, all in one course, wash it down with coffee, and call it 'normal'? The typical breakfast menu involves meat, eggs, various confectionery delights, fruit, breads - a veritable cornucopia of cholesterol and sodium/sugar laden dishes simply waiting to be obliterated.

My favorite breakfast order? The skillet. Why? Take everything I just said, throw it all on one plate together, top it with some hot sauce and go to town! With a cinnamon roll on the side, of course.

This is also why I like diners - which is a separate post all on its own. Diners serve breakfast all day, which makes them the place to go when you're me. Doesn't matter what time it is: If I find myself at a diner, breakfast is getting ordered.

Bon appetit!

Parenting and Roller Coasters

I am pretty sure that Christen wrote about this at some point, but I will reiterate it here: Parenting is a series of ups and downs. Sometimes it feels like the downs are outweighing the ups, especially with a 3-year-old in the house. I feel like there's been  a 3-year-old for 3 years, which is impossible since I only have two children. Nonetheless, it's been amazing to see the major swings that take place over weeks, days, and sometimes hours and minutes.

Just like a roller coaster, so goes parenting. The slow incline that is pregnancy gives way to the rush of speed that is giving birth and the subsequent season of infancy (when you never really sleep, not really), and then you get to the rest of the ride. The twists. The jolts. The dips. The round-abouts. The spirals, both up and down.

Since Christen's passing, it has felt a bit like I'm building a whole new ride to get on. I thought parenting in general was challenging. Single parenting? Wow. So, as I'm designing this thing, here are some of the peaks and valleys I can see being built in to it (based off of actual events over the past 10 days):

Peaks:
- Audrey doing the dishes without being asked
- Hudson taking being a gentleman seriously
- Made up songs/singing along to music in the car
- Playing, playing, playing
- Not needing to watch TV
- Impromptu cuddle time
- Being required to refer to them as Captain America and Princess Audrey (she likes her name)

Valleys:
- Oh! the whining
- Crying over not getting to hear a song, making the wrong snack, selecting the wrong movie, calling someone by the wrong name (see final point of Peaks)
- Hudson forgetting that he's a gentleman
- Audrey taking advantage of being a 'lady'

In this time of building and restructuring, I'm reminded of Christen's mission statement as a mother. She stood for the following:

I will provide love, discipline, counsel, and education so that my children will be trained up in the way of the Lord. I will exemplify a God-centered, Christ-exalting, Bible-saturated life so that they would make choices based on their relationship with the Lord.


I've adopted that as my mission statement as a father (she always took the best wording!). It's on that foundation, the grounding of the glory of God and the revelation of His Word that I, by His grace, will build this new ride.

How to Study the Bible: Is the Bible Historically Reliable?

With so much to cover and so many topics I'd like to talk about, I put Theology Thursday to a vote. The outcome of the vote determined what would be covered in the coming months. The first subject to be tackled is How to Study the Bible.


Last week, we learned how the Bible came together. This week, we're going to dig in to the question of the Bible's reliability. Is the Bible, as we know it, a historically accurate and reliable document?

The argument here is whether or not the actual words contained in the Bibles we have are 1) what the original authors wrote and 2) were written in an accurate way so as to transmit the historical truths they claim to tell. Basically, is the Bible true or a simple mythology?

The stance that opponents to the validity of the Bible take is one of questioning how the text was recorded over time. Many would hold that the accounts of the life of Jesus were not written down prior to the second century, well over 100 years after He had lived. They go on to claim that, in accordance with the oral tradition of the time, the accounts of Jesus grew in mythology over that time span and were eventually written down in such a way as to make Jesus more a legend than an actual historical figure. Think Babe Ruth and the famed 'called shot'. Did it happen? Or was that just a tall tale weaved in the media?

In order to counter their arguments, we must take a look at how historical documents are proved and accepted as accurate in general and then apply the same tests to the New Testament (I focus on the New Testament because, just like last week, the Old Testament is generally left alone in these debates. However, the same process could easily be applied to the Old Testament, and I am sure it would check out.). Based on everything I have read on this topic, there are three tests to guide us in our understanding of the validity, reliability, and historicity of the Bible: the bibliographic test, the internal evidence test, and the external evidence test.

Bibliographic Test
As defined by Josh McDowell, this test "is an examination of the textual transmission by which documents reach us. In other words, not having the original documents, how reliable are the copies we have in regard to the number of manuscripts (MSS) and the time interval between the original and extant copy?"

For those who don't know this, we do not have in existence today an original copy (called an autograph) of any book or letter included in the New Testament. Therefore, we have to know that what was copied down was done so faithfully and within an acceptable period of time to be considered reliable.

To do this, let's do a comparison between the New Testament and a few other documents. These other documents are plainly accepted as accurate and acceptable historical documents, worthy to be taught in high schools and colleges alike as true to what the original author wrote and intended. We will consider when the original is said to have been written, when the first copy we now have in possession was written, how many such MSS exist today, and what level of accuracy the copies share (these statistics are pulled from several sources, listed at the end of this post).

Author              Date Written      Earliest Copy          Time Span        # of MSS       Accuracy
Homer              ca. 900 BC          ca. 400 BC            ~500 years        643                95%
Caesar              ca. 50-58 BC       ca. AD 900            ~950 years         10                Too few MSS
Tacitus              ca. AD 100          ca. AD 1100          ~1,000 years      20                Too few MSS
Plato                 ca. 427-347 BC   ca. AD 900            ~1,200+ years    7                  Too few MSS
Aristotle            ca. 384-322 BC   ca. AD 1100          ~1,400 years       5                  Too few MSS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
New Testament ca. AD 60-90      ca. AD 130           ~100 years         20,000+        99.5%

What this means is that, based on the number of copies we have of the pieces of the New Testament, the time between when it was first written and from when we have a copy, and the accuracy of the copies to each other, we can certainly say that the text we have is the text that was originally written (and for those disconcerted with the 99.5% accuracy, the discrepancies are over grammar, spellings, style, and/or accidental omissions/duplicates - nothing in question has any weight to bear on doctrine or teaching).

Internal Evidence Test
The bibliographic test tells us that the text we have today is faithful to what was originally written. We must now turn to the words themselves and test whether or not those words are credible. This is the internal test.

There are several considerations to make when testing the internal credibility of a document. At the outset, it must be understood that a document is 'innocent until proven guilty' - in other words, a document claiming to present facts must be assumed to do exactly that unless it blatantly records falsehoods or is inconsistent in its own claims. In this, we have seen over and over again how archaeology and historical criticism support what was written in the New Testament.

Next, we must look at who wrote the New Testament. The authors consistently claim to either be direct eyewitnesses or to have recorded what an eyewitness has testified to be true. This is seen in Luke 1:1-3, 2 Peter 1:16, 1 John 1:3, and John 19:35. Therefore, the people who wrote the books and letters in the New Testament were not simply recording hearsay; they were recording the facts as they, or someone close the them, saw them.

Still, it would only be fair to allow for criticism from contemporaries. After all, if one eyewitness reports one account and another reports something to the contrary, we are faced with a he-said-she-said scenario, and the truth becomes very difficult to prove. The fact is that there were people alive who also witnessed the events of Jesus's life, death, and resurrection, and some of those people were not sympathetic to the apostles' cause - they were, in fact, opposed to it. Thus, if what was being written and propagated was in any way inaccurate, those opposed could simply have risen up and written a refutation to the apostles' claims. The apostles even opened themselves to this kind of criticism, as seen in Acts 2:22 and Acts 26: 24-48. None such came.

Last, the relationship of Old Testament prophecy to the life of Jesus as recorded in the Gospels indicates a God-ordained consistency simply unparalleled in any other major religious text. Without going into all the details, there were literally hundreds of prophecies fulfilled by Jesus Christ, including those found in Isaiah 7:14 (cf. Matthew 1:18-23), Micah 5:2 (cf. Luke 2:1-7), Hosea 11:1 (cf. Matthew 2:13-15), Malachi 3:1 (cf. Luke 2:25-27), Psalm 22:16 and 22:18 (cf. Luke 23:33 and John 19:23-24, respectively), and Isaiah 53:10-12 (cf. Acts 2:25-32).

External Evidence Test
Again, Josh McDowell defines this test by stating that "[the] issue here is whether other historical material confirms or denies the internal testimony of the documents themselves."

Within the Christian world, Papias (Bishop of Hierapolis, friend of the Apostle John, as preserved by Eusebius) and Iranaeus (Bishop of Lyons, disciple of Polycarp who was a disciple of the Apostle John) together testify to the authorship of the Gospels. They state that John wrote his gospel, as did Matthew, and that Mark wrote his based off of the testimony of Peter and Luke his based off of the teachings of Paul (and other eyewitnesses - cp. Luke 1:1-3).

Outside of the Christian world, we have already mentioned how archaeology and historical criticism have verified the facts of the Bible as they are laid out. People, places, leaders, and events, as they are described in the New Testament, have been verified over time by the historical record and the physical evidence (as it is uncovered).

Further, ancient, secular historians wrote of Jesus and verified not only His life but also some of His deeds. Here are a few quotes (pulled straight out of the Mark Driscoll resource listed below):

Flavius Josephus, from Jewish Antiquities:
Now there was about this time Jesus, a wise man, if it be lawful to call him a man; for he was a doer of wonderful works, a teacher of such men as receive the truth with pleasure...And when Pilate, at the suggestion of the principal men among us, had condemned him to the cross, those that loved him at the first did not forsake him; for he appeared to them alive again the third day, as the divine prophets had foretold these and ten thousand other wonderful things concerning him. And the tribe of Christians, so named from him, are not extinct at this day


Pliny the Younger, from The Letters of Pliny the Younger (this one addressed to the emperor Trajan):
They (Christians) also declared that the sum total of their guilt or error amounted to no more than this: they had met regularly before dawn on a fixed day to chant verses alternately amongst themselves in honour of Christ as if to a god...


These as well as many other Jewish and Roman historians document and give credence to the truths as presented by the authors of the New Testament.

Here's the big idea:
The Bible we have, and specifically the New Testament, is a historically valid and reliable document, and the text therein constitutes a true testimony to the events surrounding the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth, called the Christ.


Sources:

Easy read: Mark Driscoll, On the New Testament; Josh McDowell, More Than a Carpenter
Medium read: Josh McDowell, The New Evidence that Demands a Verdict; Lee Strobel, The Case for Christ; Dan Story, Defending Your Faith

Next week: Why Study the Bible?

How to Study the Bible: What is the Bible?

With so much to cover and so many topics I'd like to talk about, I put Theology Thursday to a vote. The outcome of the vote determined what would be covered in the coming months. The first subject to be tackled is How to Study the Bible.


In order to ensure people get the most out of these posts, I'm going to try to keep these first few posts in the series relatively short. Truly, a LOT of ink has been justifiably spent defending the canonization of the Bible, specifically the New Testament (the focus of this week's post), as well as the validity of the historical text itself (next week's post). However, since these are more along the lines of foundational, I will simply boil down the positions as simply and clearly as possible so that we can move to the more practical and applicable posts, those focusing on why we should (and should want to) study the Bible and a few tips on how to actually go about studying it. Therefore, while there are a number of facts, statistics, citations, and book after book to be read and considered for this week's post, I'm going to focus on just a few sources (listed at the end of the post) and give the general thrust of the argument.

This week's question is What is the Bible? Specifically, how did we get the book we currently have? How did 'they' pick the books and letters that were included? First, I'll briefly give consideration to the Old Testament. Second, and the larger section, I will focus on the New Testament as it is what is most commonly disputed.

In traditional Protestantism, the Old Testament stops with Malachi, the last of the prophets. After this point, God did not send a prophet for 400 years until the coming of John the Baptist, who proclaimed the coming of Jesus. During these years of silence, called the Intertestamental Period, other books were written. These became known as the apocrypha. Initially, these books were effectively considered helpful additional books, but they were never accepted as holy Scripture until the Catholic Council of Trent in 1546. From that point, the Catholic (and some Orthodox) Bible added books to the Old Testament that were never so adopted by either Jews or Christians up to that point. Thus, we see the difference in the Catholic Bible (which includes the Apocrypha) and the Protestant Bible (which does not).

The other books of the Old Testament are referred in the New Testament as 'The Law, Prophets, and Psalms' or 'The Law and the Prophets' or simply 'The Law'. To quote Mark Driscoll, "Jesus also spoke of the Old Testament as existing from Abel (from Genesis, the first book of the Old Testament) to Zechariah (a contemporary of Malachi, the final book of the Old Testament)." The evidence for this is found in Luke 24:44, Matthew 23:35, and Luke 11:51. Even today, the Hebrew Bible and the Christian Old Testament are virtually the same, excepting the order of the books.

Frankly, there is little dispute over the Old Testament. The New Testament? Well, that's a different story. Let's deal with that now.

First, I want to define a word that I learned while researching for this post. The word is canon. No, not the weapon used to fire off the port bow (spelled cannon, for those keeping track at home). I always thought the word was synonymous with 'Bible', that it was just another way of saying 'the whole collection of books in the Bible'. While it has come to mean that in our time, the original meaning of canon refers to the 'rule' or 'measuring rod' by which the books of the Bible were selected. It is the norm against which books of the Bible were set to determine inclusion or exclusion.

Many people argue that the Bible was put together by a bunch of people hunkered down in a room hundreds of years after Jesus lived and after the texts had been written. They suggest that the writings were allowed to grow to legendary and mythic levels prior to being included in the Bible (we'll deal with this argument next week), and then only the books that verified what they wanted people to know about Jesus were included. After all, they had their institutions, reputations, and power to protect - so the argument goes.

However, contrary to this notion is what actually happened (insert sarcastic tone). As Driscoll writes, there were three primary characteristics in the inclusion of books into the New Testament:

1) They were written based on eye-witness account of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.
2) They were in accord with what is revealed as true about God in the rest of Scripture.
3) They were received by God's people and demonstrated God's power in changing lives.

Additionally, the apostles themselves validated the writings of the New Testament and placed them alongside the Old Testament in a peer-to-peer relationship. This is seen in the following passages:

2 Peter 3:15-16 - Paul's letters placed alongside Scripture, presumably the Old Testament
And count the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you according to the wisdom given him, as he does in all his letters when he speaks in them of these matters. There are some things in them that are hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as the do the other Scriptures.


1 Timothy 5:18 - Paul quoting Deuteronomy and Luke back-to-back as Scripture
For the Scripture says, "You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain (from Deut. 25:4)," and, "The laborer deserves his wages (from Luke 10:7)."


From the foundation of the New Testament church, this placing of New Testament books alongside the Old Testament Scriptures continued in what B.B Warfield refers to as a "line of such quotations...never broken in Christian literature."

Here is another, extended quote from Warfield:

What needs emphasis at present about these facts is that they obviously are not evidences of a gradually-heightening estimate of the New Testament books, originally received on a lower level and just beginning to be tentatively accounted Scripture; they are conclusive evidences rather of the estimation of the New Testament books from the very beginning as Scripture, and of their attachment as Scripture to the other Scriptures already in hand. The early Christians did not, then, first form a rival “canon” of “new books” which came only gradually to be accounted as of equal divinity and authority with the “old books”; they received new book after new book from the apostolical circle, as equally “Scripture” with the old books, and added them one by one to the collection of old books as additional Scriptures, until at length the new books thus added were numerous enough to be looked upon as another section of the Scriptures.


The big idea is this:
The New Testament was not 'put together' by people hundreds of years after it had been written. It had been put together and was generally accepted in the Church throughout the Christian world, and this collection was subsequently verified at the various councils years later.

Catch that - that's a big difference. The councils did not make up the list of what was in and what was out. They verified that which had already been put together, and evaluated the other books that had subsequently been (falsely) put forth as legitimate books, like the Gospel of Thomas and First Clement, based on the canon (remember: the norm or rule) which already existed in the collection already accepted by the people of God. The apostles placed their authority behind the teachings of the books and letters themselves while they lived, the early church fathers accepted them, and the Church at large embraced them as Truth.

Sources:

Easy read: Mark Driscoll, On the Old Testament and On the New Testament
Medium read: R.C. Sproul, Scripture Alone
Difficult read: B.B Warfield, Revelation and Inspiration

Next week: Is the Bible Historically Reliable?

This is Real

"This is real. This is happening. This is my life."

I spoke those words aloud to myself Saturday night as I was preparing to go to bed. The kids were with Grandpa and Grandma for the weekend, and I was in my bedroom fixing the sheets. All of a sudden, I was hit with a sensation that I have never felt before.

It was as though I was looking through someone else's eyes. I was looking into the life of some man going about his nightly routine. I had a flash of his mind and of all the things he had been thinking over the last week. It was all very ordinary stuff - going to work, taking care of his kids, cleaning the house, cooking dinner. There was really nothing exceptional about any of it. The whole scene was very strange, and it seemed like something was hanging in the air. There was a weight upon this man, only he didn't feel it. At least, he didn't seem to. He was just going about his routine. The man paused at this point and looked around. Familiarity crept in as I felt the quilted bedspread in need of a wash, the soft linen of the sheets, the floorboard that creaks right next to the dresser. It was then I realized I was in my own home, in my own bedroom, looking through my own eyes.

For that moment, I could not make sense of reality. I had seen through this man's eyes, and though he was me, I had no concept of what he was doing or why. Surely this was not how I lived, I thought. Do I really make up a bed only to sleep on one side of it? How long have I been going through these motions? Is this my life? It doesn't seem like it...

And then, more disturbing than these thoughts came the reality that, in fact yes, this is all real. I struggled to shake my doubts. Aloud, I said those words to myself.

"This is real. This is happening. This is my life."

At that point, I thought I would feel sad. Or angry. Perhaps frustrated. Even lonely. I felt none of these things. I felt like a chalkboard freshly erased, the remnant of what was written there still faintly visible, the dust not taken away but merely pushed around the slate, a cloudy image of something that once was clear.

I am coming to the understanding that it is easy to lose oneself in two extremes: routine and dreams. The former gives structure and makes sure things get done, but it lacks passion and zeal and an awareness of other happenings outside of the norm. Dreams certainly don't lack for passion or vision or excitement, but they deny that which is necessary to accomplish right now, and they ignore what is happening in the present. Combined, they miss reality, where one misses due to fixtures and the other due to fantasy.

I live in these two extremes. I require routine because there is so much to be done. Even with the help I receive, there is simply so much that demands my attention and energy and focus. I dream because dreaming lets me believe for the future, to hope in what is coming next. By themselves and in right balance, these two extremes are lovely dance partners. But without the music of reality playing them along the floor, they're just two lunatics locked in a deluded embrace.

Here is my reality: My name is Joe Ringle. I am 29 years old. I have two children, Audrey and Hudson. My wife, Christen, passed away 4 months ago. Life is difficult for us right now. But we serve a God whose goodness knows no end. He has rescued my family from certain, eternal death and given us, through Jesus, true and lasting life with Him, even if it isn't with each other here and now.

I will live in light of grace and not fetter myself to foolish delusions or denials of the truth.

A Beautiful Inconvenience

There are two lies that have been popularized in our culture regarding marriage. The first is that marriage is simply about how two people feel about each other. They're 'in love', so they get married - of course! Just like all the fairy tales, the princess stories, the hero saving the damsel, the Richard Gere getting the Julia Roberts, the 'you had me at hello'. Love is something you fall into, and marriage is where you land.

The second is that there's always an out - just get divorced.

A quick note on the above point: There is acceptable, biblical precedent for divorce and remarriage. I am not condemning all divorce as ungodly. However, 'I just don't love him/her anymore' isn't one of the precedents. Which brings me to why I'm writing this at all.

Here's a truth that needs to be accepted in order to begin to overcome the two lies mentioned above:

Marriage is inconvenient.


Okay, I actually heard your sharp intake of breath just now. Calm down, and I'll explain. Think about it for a moment - you're a sinner and so is your spouse (or soon-to-be spouse). Unlike in math, two negatives in this case don't make a positive. In fact, each partner's sin is going to be thrown into sharp relief when exposed by the other. Nothing reveals our innate selfishness more than getting married - until you have children (which is a completely separate post). Prior to marriage, you were concerned with you, ultimately. With a spouse you are concerned with 'we'. Consequently, you must give things up daily for the sake of the other. Hot water in the shower, time in the bathroom, sheets on the bed, space on the couch, your preferences, your pride. And that's hard and difficult and uncomfortable and frustrating. Why can't you just 'win'? Here's the honest truth: marriage doesn't 'fix' anything - it unhinges everything, puts the pieces on the floor like so much IKEA ware, and asks you and your spouse to put it all back together again.

And it is a uniquely beautiful expression of God's grace.

This post was sparked by a video I saw via Desiring God, found here. It tells the story of a woman who, in spite of her husband's disability, has chosen to marry him and live a life of love and inconvenience. It is a remarkable story, and it is the kind of story we should use to inform our daughters and sons rather than what we see in culture.

This will not be easy for me to say, but I'm freewriting at this point, and so I hope you will bear with the rawness of it.

Christen dealt with me graciously for 6 1/2 years. I freely confess that I'm not the easiest person to live with. I read Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages, and I had 2 primary languages and a third just behind them. In other words, I'm high maintenance. I'm needy. All the time. And Christen had me figured out. I've never felt more trusted, respected, and loved than when I was with her. Even when she started getting sick, she would say how sorry she was that she couldn't take care of me the way she wanted to. And I thought, 'No, it's my turn now.'

We only really had two days to process what was happening from the MRI to the biopsy. For the sake of being able to make sound decisions in the midst of varied advice from friends, family, and doctors, we focused on taking each step one at a time. Therefore, we weren't thinking too far beyond just what was next. Still, we did talk. She was scared but determined. We talked about the reality that when the doctors said 'aggressive treatment', they meant chemotherapy. Intense chemotherapy. That meant her whimsical, ever-changing hair was going to fall out. And she said, 'No wigs.' She said she'd be bald and strong and creative with scarves (as ever). We discussed that her going through this would stand as a testimony to the sustaining power of God.

In this moment, as we were facing the potential of a brutal battle with a particularly vicious form of brain cancer, I learned the most valuable and important lesson I'll ever learn about marriage:

Christen was never more beautiful than when she was lying in her hospital bed, unshowered, gown on, electrodes glued to her head, unreservedly and unashamedly declaring the glory and grace of God in our lives.

Yes, marriage is an inconvenience, but oh! how beautiful an inconvenience it is.

Redeem Your Commute

Be honest, how many of us struggle to get all the reading, praying, worshiping, studying, and sermon-listening done in a day that we would ideally like to get done? I, for one, feel as though I could spend all day reading and still have so far to go. I have given the following advice to a few people in the last couple of months, and so I thought I'd share it here for the at-large population.

Many of us have some level of commute to work built into our daily routine. For those living in Chicago, or any metropolitan area, this could include going from the suburbs into the city or vise versa. It could mean that you're taking the bus/train. For those from my hometown, it could mean making a 45-mile drive to wherever. For me, it means driving to the train, then taking the train downtown, then sometimes walking from a stop to my actual place of work (depending on what line I ride in on). All in all, it's an hour one-way for me. That's two hours every day. Perhaps you can relate. Perhaps you can also relate to thinking, 'What should I be doing with this time?'

My advice? Redeem your commute.

Let's face it, even taking the train downtown, which is lovely in many ways, loses its luster after a time. I'm not in it for the scenery or the experience; it's a means to an end. And since it is routine, it is easy to fall into, well, a routine. Out the door; get in car; drive to park near train; walk to train; board train; get off train; walk to work; punch in; pour coffee; start day. It's easy to get into the habit of listening to music or, worse, talk radio, checking Facebook, reading the paper, texting friends, playing games, and the like.

Allow me to flip your commute on its head. These minutes and hours are ideal for all kinds of activities that will build you up rather than drain you out. Namely, you can read. With the advent of the Kindle and other such e-readers, you can literally take your library with you in a nice, neat package. You can be reading theological classics on the way to work rather than the Wall Street Journal. If you're like me, you prefer actual, tangible books for the purposes of taking notes. By all means, take them and read them. I joke that I travel with a small library wherever I go. Or, read the Bible if you don't have a regular, pre-commute, morning devotional time.

If reading on a train makes you motion-sick, load up your mp3 player with sermons from your pastor and some of the great preachers of today. Supplement what your pastor preached on Sunday with what other preachers have said about the same passage of Scripture. Get audio books and let someone read a classic to you. Or, listen to the Bible. There are so many quality audio versions of the Bible, some of them free, that you can absorb the Word without actually picking up a copy of it.

Or, load up on worship music and sing to the Lord on the way to work. This works best with those who drive to work, but if you're bold feel free to do so on the train. This will also help you get a seat to yourself!

Take time to pray on your way in. Pray for wisdom, direction, grace for the day, opportunities to proclaim the gospel, chances to display the love of Christ, and/or boldness to pray for people who have needs as they express them, even if they aren't expecting it.

To make this more tangible, here is my general routine. I pray while I'm driving to the train. This gives me a good 10-15 minutes of time with just me and the Lord. I walk to the train, and then I put in my headphones to listen to some music (usually instrumental). Since it's pretty early in the morning, I'm usually able to grab a seat on the train. This enables me to more easily read due my incessant note-taking in my books. I get a solid 30 minutes of reading in while on the train. You'd be amazed at what a focused 30 minutes of reading can accomplish. I also get an hour for lunch at work. Sometimes I use this time to just relax, other times to eat with co-workers or meet with people from church, other times to catch up on social media chatter, other times to write a bit, still other times to read some more. Then there's the commute home, which is usually spent standing as the trains are too packed to try to sit. I generally use this time to listen to a sermon or some worship music (bobbing my head a little bit...). If I'm really into a book at the time, I'll hazard the standing-while-reading-with-pencil-in-hand posture, but these times are not common.

I am not here going to discuss the merits/demerits of 'closing myself off' to those on the train with me - meaning I'm not going to tackle the intentional vs relational evangelism debate. I am simply making the point that, for many of us, there are hours in the day available to redeem for the purposes of growing in our relationships with Christ. This can be done in many ways, but it requires an intentionality that is often absent when speaking of the dreaded 'commute'. Don't dread the commute - redeem it.

"What if...?" is Dangerous

Before I write this post, I must say: No, I haven't forgotten about Theology Thursdays and the current series of How to Study the Bible. I have been studying and reading for that for the last couple of weeks in preparation of handling the topic well. In addition, I have had a great couple of weeks building relationships with people, which has meant extra time away from writing and researching. Consequently, I ask that you bear with me for another week as I prepare to launch into the series. Once it gets going, there'll be no stopping it! Please accept this simple post as a (hopefully) thought-provoking alternative for this week.


It has been on my mind of late that the idea of "What if...?" questions is a double-edged sword.

They are often seen as negatively dangerous, as when dwelling on the past one asks, "What if I had never made this or that decision?" That cannot go anywhere productive. The fact is we didn't make that decision that way, and so there's no telling how it would have turned out in reality. All we know for sure is that we did what we did and we can plainly see the consequences. This kind of "What if...?" leads us to miss the present in light of the past. We are so busy dealing with what we 'should have' done that we neglect dealing with what needs doing now. And this leads to additional poor decisions and regret, and the cycle continues. Too many people live in this for too many years.

But lately, I have been wondering about the positive danger in asking "What if...?". As in, "What if this didn't work this way but worked this way instead?" Or, "What if we believed this way instead of that way?" "What if this were possible?" These are dangerous questions as well, yet of an entirely different ilk.

These questions spark deeper thought, greater innovation, immense creativity, new solutions - in short, dreams. Dreams lie in the realm of "What if...?" In this way, we are able to see the present with an eye on the future. More accurately, we see that, in light of the present, there must be something more for the future, if only someone would dream big enough to get us there.

Are you that dreamer?

I want to be.

I had a conversation with someone tonight wherein we both came to the conclusion that we aren't now nor do we hope to ever settle so much that we stop dreaming.

I believe that this side of Heaven there should exist a holy discontent that brings forth new means and methods of communicating truths that are timeless. I desire for the Church to be an agent of cultural change, not merely an institution reacting to and opposing culture as it changes. I desire that wisdom would mean more to us than titles, that character would trump personality, that risk-taking would overshadow the status quo, that the gospel would shine brighter than the best lights and the highest lumens projectors.

I desire that every church would seek to leave a legacy in whatever area it resides. I hope for every congregation to be able to say 'yes' to the question, "If we packed up and left town tomorrow, would we be missed?" I yearn for the lifecycle of a church not to be contingent on the pastor but on the fire in the people.

I desire to see true revival in my city in my lifetime. I see churches impacting apartment buildings, streets, neighborhoods, wards, businesses, community centers, shelters, schools, crime, marriage, children, families, old, young, black, white, brown, man, woman. I see the gospel taking root in ways and through means that have been untapped due to fear of failure, fear of man, or just plain fear. I see that fear overcome by our great King and people stepping out with courage to face impossible things with an impossibly awesome God.

My vision. My hope. My dream. They really aren't mine at all. This is what the Lord desires for Chicago. He desires this for every city, suburb, and rural town in every state and every nation across the globe. "To the ends of the earth," was the commission from Jesus to His apostles prior to His ascension.

I dream of risky answers to future-focused "What if...?" questions. In the end, I would much rather attempt something and fail than risk nothing and succeed.

Mr. Gorbachev...

Last Thursday I had the opportunity to sit in on a town hall style meeting with former Soviet Union President Mikhail Gorbachev. Before I write anything, I am not here to make a political statement. I am not going to weigh in on perestroika or any such thing. The fact is, at a time when there were really only two world superpowers, he led one of them. He is now over 80, and I think there's plenty to learn from that wealth of experience.

Gorbachev is a shorter man that one would think. Perhaps this is due to age; perhaps he's simply shorter than average. He is a stocky man, and he carries himself with what would appear as a gruff, abrupt confidence. As he spoke, there was no doubt that he felt he was 'the man' - he exuded a confidence that bordered on flat-out arrogance. While we find this to be an unattractive trait in people, think of anyone who has hit the top of their respective game: Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Nolan Ryan, Brett Favre. What do they have in common? Extreme confidence. While we can certainly debate the virtue of such a quality, we cannot deny that people like this often find their way to the top. Mr. Gorbachev is no different.

But the opportunity to hear him speak and to discuss what it was like when he led the USSR was too good to pass up. While it was a town hall meeting, he did not exactly answer the questions he was asked. Rather, he told stories which related to the question, and his stories illustrated his point. As he pointed out, he lived in a completely different context than we do now, so direct advice is not helpful. He preferred to tell stories and allow his stories to speak for him.

The two words I have used in describing Mr. Gorbachev are implacable and courageous. Implacable because he simply could not be moved off of his point, even when prodded to do so by the great journalist Jim Gray. Likewise, as he rose to power in the USSR, he was implacable in his belief that reform needed to take place. He was courageous because he essentially put his life on the line to put forward what he had committed himself to in reforming the political landscape of the USSR. He had to buck every entrenched belief among the 'old men' (as he called the established political elite) on his way to seeing his goals through.

Here's what I learned:

First, a leader must be fully committed to the vision he's been given. Once the vision has been established in his heart and mind, there must be an immovability to it. Perhaps some adaptation over time. Perhaps some improvements, refinements, tweaks, and adjustments, but rarely if ever a complete overhaul. To see anything through to completion requires a focused energy, and to see anything worthwhile to its conclusion requires even more. We would do well to learn this, to learn that being implacable on that which is most important to us is a necessary piece of who we are to become.

Second, a leader must be courageous. It is rare that any vision that is truly worthwhile is easily attained. There will be disappointments and failures and criticism along the path of any great idea. Therefore, the leader with the vision must be so committed to that vision that he takes the necessary steps to seeing that vision become a reality. This means facing down opposition, believing in something when it isn't popular, and working through the initial hiccups and failures to find success and achievement.

As a Christian, I would add that all of this - the vision and the courage and fortitude to see it out - all stem from God's grace at work in the life of the leader. The vision comes from God, the courage comes from the empowering of the Holy Spirit, and the fortitude comes from the example of Christ, who went to the cross on our behalf 'for the joy set before Him'.

The Spring Line

The week after Christen passed away, a few people asked about when I was planning on going through her clothes and packing them up/giving them away. When my grandmother passed away several years ago, my grandfather went through her things within the first few days. His logic: If I don't do it now, I'm never going to do it. That's reasonable.

I, however, chose to wait. This was in part because I couldn't bring myself to do it right then. The previous two weeks had been a whirlwind of shock, pain, grief, processing, details, emotional ups and (mostly) downs, family, travel, and on and on. I just could not bring myself to go through Christen's clothing after all of that. Besides, a lot of her clothes were in our storage closet because she was wise to store our Spring/Summer wardrobe somewhere other than in our limited closet space (it is Chicago, after all). I was not going to try to bring all that up in the middle of January only to effectively take it all back down again, then bring it up for me and the kids again in Spring. I figured, when it's time to bring out the Spring clothes, I'll go through her stuff then.

That day was today.

To understand this moment, you have to understand who Christen was when it came to fashion. While I am no great fashion-monger myself, I did learn a few things in being her husband. Namely: Her style was her own. This is something that I always loved about her. She did not mimic other people. She did not stalk celebrity styles to do what 'they' were doing (these principles also applied to her hair). She found a way to be ahead of the curve without really paying attention to magazines, tabloids, fashion gurus, and the like. We don't have cable, so even shows like 'What Not to Wear' (which she loved) were unavailable. Consequently, she made up her own style. Everything from her color combinations to layers to textures to accessories were uniquely Christen. I can't begin to tell you how many times I heard women in the church comment, 'I love what you're wearing, but I could never pull it off,' to Christen. As her husband - beaming! I mean, come on guys, admit it: Being married to an 'it' girl is pretty sweet. After all, she said 'yes' to me - amazing!

I also loved her approach to shopping. She would go to a store with something very specific in mind. I would think, 'Oh, she's seen that in a catalog somewhere,' or some such nonsense. After looking around for awhile, she would very often just be done and ready to leave. Sure, she'd have picked up a couple of items, walked around with them, perhaps even tried them on. In the end, if it wasn't exactly what she'd pictured in her mind, it would go back on the rack. She did this all the time. I would ask her about it. Her response: 'I saw it in my head, and I figure it has to be out there somewhere. So I'll look until I find it.' Very often she would find it - a year later when the fashion world had caught up to my wife's brain.

I wouldn't say that fashion was something Christen spent a lot of time thinking about (after all, her word for all the material stuff of this life was kindling); she did, however, have exceptional taste, class, style, and timing. She managed to do something that most women scoff at - she made modesty trendy.

This brings us to this afternoon. I brought up the bins from storage, pulled out my clothes as well as the kids', and then got to the task of emptying out all of her clothes. The living room was covered by the time I was finished emptying all the bins, under-the-bed storage, and the closet.

I went through each item because I wanted to remember. At some items I laughed ('how did she ever make that work?'). At others I smiled ('she wore that all the time'). A few I simply broke down and wept uncontrollably ('I remember the last time she wore this' or 'she wore this on our anniversary').

At one point I found a sweatshirt that Christen used to wear around the house all the time. Gray and white striped, zip-up hoodie made of waffley cotton material. It had been tossed behind something in the closet, so it hadn't been washed since the last time she'd worn it. It still smelled like her. And I lost it. Hudson was in the room for that one. He came over, and at first he laughed because he thought I was playing some sort of game. In fact, he asked if I was playing. I told him I was not, and that I missed Mommy very much. He just stared at me with such compassion on his face, he looked 23 instead of 3. Then he hugged me. I told him I loved him, and he said he loved me too. I told him I loved Mama, and he told me she loved me too. It was the most excruciating and sweetest moment of the entire day.

I am emotionally exhausted as I type this. This day has been circled on my calendar, so to speak, since Christen's passing. In going through this process, I knew part of it would be remembering her as she was when she wore this outfit, that dress, those skirts, and so on. It would mean dealing with the fact that she would never fill those clothes again. It would mean touching the cloth that used to touch her skin, knowing that neither it nor I would ever do so again. The clothes by themselves are nothing. But clothes have memories, and I heard each one of them today.

I wish I could type something inspiring at this point in the post. I praise God that His mercies are new in the morning because I'm ready to go to bed and wake up to that. The truth is that today was one of the most emotionally taxing days I have had since her funeral. The point of today was not to see how far I've come in my grieving. The point of today was not to gauge my emotional readiness for this or that. The point of today was to get through today. To do this next hard thing. To embrace what was and accept, in increasing measure, that it isn't anymore. To let my kids know that it's okay for them to still miss Mommy. To weep openly. To say goodbye, again.

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy....

I think I heard that phrase approximately 48,000 times this evening. Mostly, though not exclusively, from Hudson. Hudson has always been a daddy's boy. That has only become more accentuated in these last months, and especially in the last couple of weeks.

Tonight, I think we hit the peak. I actually had to marvel at how many times my name was said in a 2 hour time frame. I laugh even now as I think of it. The singular focus of Hudson's mind was nothing short of amazing. I've never witnessed such a laser-like vision from him. It was all me, all the time, all night.

To be very honest, in the moment, nights like this are exhausting. I was ready to fall asleep on Hudson's bed while I rubbed his back. He's still in a toddler bed, but in spite of the size, it felt remarkably comfortable. In the moment, nights like tonight are very difficult, a little frustrating, and can instantly zap one's energy.

In the long run, though, it's a different story. I am committed to responding to Hudson when he calls. I am trusting that this will communicate to him that his father hears him, and that will translate into his trusting that his Heavenly Father will likewise respond when he calls on Him. So, Hudson calls out, over and over again.

My response? Every time it's the same:

"Yeah, buddy, what's up?"

How to Study the Bible: The Foundation

With so much to cover and so many topics I'd like to talk about, I put Theology Thursday to a vote. The outcome of the vote determined what would be covered in the coming months. The first subject to be tackled is How to Study the Bible.

2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.


When the votes were tallied and this came out on top, I was pretty pleased. Some of the topics are, perhaps, more 'controversial'. Others are more 'current'. This one, however, is the most foundational. Therefore, I am glad to be going at it first. As was pointed out by one of the voters, all the other discussions stem from this root, the root that the Bible is true and instructs us in how to live and view the world and the circumstances in which we find ourselves. We should know why we should trust the Bible. We should know how it came to be. We should understand how to read it. We should understand how to read! I intend to cover each of these ideas in the coming weeks.

Before getting into the specifics of this topic, though, I want to let you all know that I have a bias: I believe the Bible is true. Every word of it. I believe the Bible is applicable. Every word of it. As I write more and more, I hope that conviction is put on display for your edification and my own accountability to the text.

I arrive at this conviction based out of the text above. The Bible was breathed out by God. By itself, that should be enough for us to want to read it and read it well. However, because the Holy Spirit is an excellent instructor, He tells us (through Paul, in this instance) why this is true. The Bible is profitable (literally useful or beneficial) for our lives in all areas. Is there something we need to learn? The Bible teaches. Is there sin in our lives? The Bible rebukes. Are we thinking incorrectly about something? The Bible corrects. Are we infants needing to grow in spiritual maturity? The Bible trains. To what end? That we would be competent and prepared for anything God would have us to do.

Here's the thing: God wrote a book. As such, we need to be reading it. Not just commentaries about it. Not second-hand opinions of it. We should open the actual book and read the actual words on the page. Those words are profitable for us. All of them.

Thus, we should get comfortable with reading them. Further, we should be comfortable reading, period. Little words in the Bible, because they were inspired by God the Holy Spirit, are a big deal. Words like therefore, so that, but, and, and so on are critical to our understanding of Scripture. This will mean getting comfortable with grammar....but I digress.

In the coming weeks, I will approach the subject of studying the Bible from a few angles, beginning with developing an apologetic of confidence toward the actual Bible itself. Here's how I intend to proceed:

1) What is the Bible?
     In this I will discuss how the Bible came about, including its canonization. I'll even give away the ending: the Bible is trustworthy as it is today. It wasn't put together 'over hundreds of years'. It was accepted long before that.
2) Is the Bible a valid historical document?
    This is important because if there has been corruption of the text over time, what we hold in our hands isn't really worth reading as 'true'. If, however, we can believe that what we have was what was written, then we can begin discoursing on the implications of what it says.
3) Why study the Bible?
    By recognizing the text as accurate to what was written, then we can consider its implications and why it would be important to be familiar with it. This conversation will involve the importance of practicing discipline with our time in the Word.
4) How do we study the Bible?
    This will be the most practical of all of the posts. I will discuss a few ideas to help get you started in studying the Bible. In the end, there is no 'perfect' or 'right' way of studying the Bible. However, having something on which to build will be helpful. This will also include a consideration for the different genres in which different books of the Bible are written and how that colors how we read.

Throughout this series, I will do my best to include helpful resources to consult as you approach this all-important study of the Bible itself. My list will not be comprehensive, but I trust it will be a good start. Also, it is my sincere hope and prayer that these posts will spark discussion, not merely a monologue on my part. If there is something unclear, please ask questions. If I am way off on something, call me out. Don't just take my word for it - do some research alongside me. Let's use this time to sharpen one another!

The Gift of Suffering: The Message

I had the opportunity to speak to the young adult ministry at my church recently, and from the moment I was asked to speak, I felt very strongly to speak on suffering. This is the talk I gave that night. It's a bit long (an hour), and I haven't mastered the art of editing in YouTube just yet, but I wanted to present it for your consideration nonetheless. In the end, my hope is that you will see suffering the way God intends and the Bible describes: as a gift.

And the Winner Is....

The votes have all been cast for what I'll be covering over the next several weeks (maybe months?) of Theology Thursdays. Here is how it all panned out, in order of most votes/what will be covered first:

1) How to study the Bible (including a conversation on the validity of the Bible)
2) How to be in the world but not of it
3) How am I saved? (including a conversation on Free will/Arminianism & Predestination/Calvinism)
4) What is 'church'?
5) Is God good?
6) Is hell real?
7) Romans 10: 9-10 (that's for you, Frank!)


I appreciated not only the votes but also that you all provided some explanations as to why you want the topic you voted for to be covered. I will incorporate those questions/additional thoughts into what I write.

Based on the weight and depth of these topics, most of them will likely be split into multiple posts - I can promise that will be the case for the first 3 topics at least. I don't want to write a book in one post, but I want to be thorough in my explanation of each. So, anticipate 2-3 posts on How to study the Bible, probably 2 posts on being in the world but not of it, and potentially 3-4 posts on How am I saved?

I am excited to see what comes of each of these topics as I do my homework on them. Thank you all for voicing your opinions and desires and pushing me to sharpen myself as I present these great subjects. I look forward not only to writing them up but also interacting with you over them. Let us not make this simply academic - let's take a look at how to apply the truths we learn daily.

Now, I have to get reading...

Taking Joy in My Kids

I had a realization this week: When I come home, my kids want to spend time with me before doing anything else. Elementary, right? For me, though, it was another one of those 'transition' moments.

You see, Christen usually timed dinner so that it was basically ready when I came in the door. I never asked her to do that; she just did. It worked with the kids' daily routine, and it gave her a break from the kids while preparing dinner before my arrival home. She liked to take that time to get dinner ready and have the table set for when I got home.

I (and the army of amazing caretakers that have been helping our family) have essentially kept that routine. Here's the difference: the kids haven't been with one of their parents all day. When I get home, it's time to be with Daddy. I've been trying to have that time with them over dinner, usually at the table. Great idea...under normal circumstances.

Unfortunately, I am still learning just how 'not normal' our circumstances are now. My kids don't want to sit at the table and eat dinner shortly after I get home. Even if they are hungry, what they really want to do is run, play, wrestle, show me art projects, and anything else that comes into their little minds that they can bring me into before sitting down to eat.

After fighting 'The Dinner War' for the last several weeks, I'm going to give this a shot. It'll mean eating a little later than usual. It may even mean starting bedtime slightly later than before (we'll see about that). Hopefully, it will also mean more quality time with my kids - including at the dinner table.

I'll keep you posted...

Putting It to a Vote

I am at a place where I have so much I'd like to write about for Theology Thursdays that I can't distill it down and focus on one thing. So, since I am an American (read: Amurrikn), I'm going to put it to a vote. Please either place your vote as a comment to this blog or on Facebook. One vote per person, since I will be the one counting them all.

I am going to put up a few topics to be covered in the coming weeks here on Theology Thursdays, but you may also propose your own topic if what you'd really like me write about isn't listed. The top vote-getter will be covered first, and then I will continue in descending order from there. Depending on the breadth/depth of the topic, some will be one-and-done posts while others will require a series. To the list!

- How to study the Bible (including a conversation on the validity of the Bible)
- How am I saved? (including a conversation on Free will/Arminianism & Predestination/Calvinism)
- How to be in the world but not of it
- What is 'church'?
- Is God good?
- Is hell real?

The voting will be open until midnight on Saturday (technically Sunday), and I will reveal the results first thing on Monday. Take a moment to cast your vote here or on Facebook, and share this with friends so they may also participate.

Happy voting!

Why I Like: Chicago

From time to time I am going to take a moment to write about the major influences on my life: authors, preachers, music, movies, and the like. I will put these posts up in a thoroughly biased manner because each post will strictly be my opinion. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but hopefully, each post will shed some light on why I think the way I think. And, maybe, you'll come to appreciate them too.


I am originally from a very small town in rural, western Illinois. For those who care, and for those from there, the town is named Aledo. Christen moved to Aledo in junior high from an even smaller town in central/southern Illinois. When we got married, we flew out to Colorado for our honeymoon and then back into Chicago, where we promptly drove to our apartment and began our lives in the Second City. When we told folks from back home that we were planning on starting our married life in Chicago, every single person had the same reaction: 'Why?!' After being here for nearly seven years, I am prepared to more fully answer that question.

Now, before I jump into why I love Chicago so much, it must be noted that this is a tremendously difficult city with a notorious history and a troubling present. Chicago was founded for the purpose of making money - transporting goods from the fertile Midwest to the East Coast was no easy task, but Chicago made that possible. This led to all sorts of greed, swindling, strong-arming, and oppression (mostly of laborers). In Chicago, many people saw opportunity. Those that took advantage of that opportunity built themselves empires which were ruthlessly maintained. Politicians were paid for while laborers were not. Further, due to immigration and the way labor was distributed, Chicago was a segregated city from the beginning.

Today, these themes remain. We can see the greed on display on the Magnificent Mile, the segregation in every neighborhood, the crime and poverty, and the corruption of the political system. This is no city for the faint of heart.

But I love it.

I love that, though the neighborhoods are segregated, they celebrate who lives there throughout the year. There are parades for every possible Independence Day you can think of. It also makes it easier to know where to go if you're in the mood for a certain type of food. Puerto Rican? Head to Humboldt Park. Indian? Go to Devon Street. Italian? Little Italy - or any shady, obviously-mafia-run place you can find. Steak? Downtown. Pizza? It's Chicago - pick one.

I love that there are some neighborhoods that buck the segregation trend. I live in Rogers Park. It is considered one of the most diverse neighborhoods in the country, sporting more than 80 languages spoken and every major religion represented. I can go to the park with my kids and hear seven different languages spoken. My kids have learned that the first question to ask isn't necessarily, 'Do you want to play?' but rather, 'Do you speak English?' Even then, if the child doesn't speak English, everyone knows how to play 'tag'.

I love that Chicago hibernates during the bitter winters but wakes up to celebrate Spring, Summer, and Fall. The appreciation is seen in outdoor festivals, block parties, sporting events (including the Cubs, White Sox, and Bears for the outdoor fans, and the Bulls and Blackhawks for the indoor fans), concerts, movies in the park(s), and on and on. There isn't a city I'd rather be in during the Summer.

I love that Chicago embraces culture. This goes back to its founding. Because Chicago was so notorious for being all about manufacturing and shipping and smelly, dirty, hard labor, the elite made a concerted effort to bring in class and sophistication to the city. This is why Chicago has its museums, parks, art, and architecture.

Mostly, I love that Chicago is uncompromisingly itself. It is not a mini-New York or a mini-Los Angeles. Chicago is Chicago. It has its own identity, and it is certainly a force on culture as we know it. It is full of people with Midwestern hospitality and yet an urban propensity to, shall we say, tell it like it is. We have the richest of the rich, the poorest of the poor, the cultured and the not, the educated and the not, the immigrant, the native, the family, the single, the old school and the new, the creatives and the traditionalists.

I love Chicago because it is home.

The Gift of Suffering: It's a Gift

I had the opportunity to speak to the young adult ministry at my church recently, and from the moment I was asked to speak, I felt very strongly to speak on suffering. Based on the response of that night and subsequent weeks as well as general observation, I believe this topic requires a more thorough examination. In the end, my hope is that you will see suffering the way God intends and the Bible describes: as a gift.


The previous posts in this series have built on each other. First, we discovered that suffering is promised to the Christian. After that, we learned that suffering is a means of grace for the Christian. Last week, we saw that suffering is part of God's plan and is good for the Christian.

In the final post in this series, we combine all of these points with a revealing verse from the Bible to conclude the following: Suffering is a gift from God.

I will expand on this simple statement at the end of the post so that we can more fully understand just exactly how suffering is a gift. For now, let's turn to the Bible to see how this statement can be made at all.

Philippians 1:29
For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake.


The highlighted portions of the verse above indicate how we can understand suffering as a gift. To simplify the verse for the sake of our discussion, it says that it has been granted to us that we should suffer for the sake of Christ. To work this statement in reverse, we see that it is for Christ that we suffer. We can take comfort in this point. We don't suffer needlessly. There is a purpose to our suffering, and that is that we, by His grace, can suffer in such a way that will bring glory to Jesus (Col. 1:24). When we go through suffering but maintain our faith and trust in His good plan, when we refuse to give in to the doubt which we are tempted to feel, we show forth the immanent goodness and trustworthiness of God and display Him as our greatest treasure.

We likewise see, yet again, that suffering is the expected norm for the Christian life. Not only is our belief granted to us, but so is suffering. This has been discussed at length in other posts, but it bears repeating if for no other reason than because this is the hardest point to get - as a Christian, you will suffer.

Finally, we see that this suffering for Christ 'has been granted' to us. Another word for granted is given. And what gets given?

Gifts.


Allow that to sink in before reading on.


Why would God give us suffering as a gift? I don't know about you, but in my flesh I can think of a few other things I would much rather receive than suffering. Like....just about anything. And yet the Bible is unyielding in its view on suffering. It leaves us no room for displeasure in suffering. Why? Let's look back at the last couple of posts to understand this.

We can view suffering as a gift because we can see that it is part of God's plan, and God's plan is good and pleasing and perfect. God's overarching plan for all of creation is to bring Himself glory. Therefore, our suffering is meant to bring Him glory, and in so doing we will be fully satisfied in our lives because, when we suffer well for Christ and hold Him as most dear, He is most glorified.

We can view suffering as a gift because its goodness means that it stands as a form of grace in our lives. It is a way that God trains us as His children, and being His children means being adopted into His family and being co-heirs with Jesus.

We can view suffering as a gift because God promises it will happen in His Word, and His promises are meant for our ultimate benefit and blessing.

Allow me to now expand on the initial statement at the beginning of this post. This is the culminating conclusion of this series:

Suffering is a gift from God designed to enhance our delight in Him and advance the gospel to the world.


Armed with this truth, I want to leave you with a thought and a challenge. I warn you, the challenge will not be easy, yet I believe it is one that every Christian must face at some point in their walk with the Lord.

C.S. Lewis writes in A Grief Observed:
"You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you...Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief (p. 22)."


Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes in The Cost of Discipleship:
"Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ...Costly grace is a treasure hidden in a field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods...It is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him...Above all it is costly because it cost God the life of His Son; 'ye were bought at a price,' and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us (p. 44-45)."


It is a simple thing to say that God is good and trustworthy when things are going well. It something altogether different to hold to the truth that God is good and trustworthy when no particular circumstance in your life would indicate that goodness.

My challenge is to ask yourself the following questions, honestly, before the Lord:

1)  Do you hold your life as so precious that you avoid suffering for the sake of personal comfort?

2)  Have you 'sold everything' and made Christ your treasure?

3)  Have you asked God to test you in these things?