Quantity Time is Quality Time

I have learned exponentially more about parenting in the last 5 months than I had in the previous 5 years. Okay, that's probably an exaggeration, but it has felt like such a steep learning curve. Prior to Christen's passing, we spoke often of our parenting style, of the particulars of disciplining each child according to their unique personalities and needs, of how to impart grace so that they love obedience rather than simply obeying out of obligation, and so on. We read books together and had frequent dialogue about how each child was developing. We talked about the specific strengths and challenges we brought into the arena of parenting based out of our own upbringing and subsequent growth and maturation.

After Christen passed, I lost that moment-to-moment reflection and conversation. While I have the people who faithfully watch my kids giving me reports, getting a report from Grandma or Titi is very different than a report from Mommy.

To tell you the truth, I have had to come to grips with the fact that I leaned too heavily on Christen in raising the kids. I was out of touch at certain levels, and there was no excuse for it. Consequently, I have ground to make up with both Audrey and Hudson. And the only way to do that is time.

I read somewhere that, when it comes to spending time with small children, you can't really say, "It's not about the quantity; it's about the quality." Why? Because you can't guarantee that the sliver of time you've set aside for 'quality time' is going to be filled with quality activities. If that time is spent dealing with a fight between siblings, discipline, or just plain old grumpiness, the quality has been taken out of the time. With small children, you actually need quantity to get at quality.

Now, before I get rebuked for saying this, please understand that I am not here condemning myself or anyone else. For some of us, the schedule is what it is, and we are doing the best we can with the time we have. If that's the case - praise the Lord! But, if we're using 'quality time' as parent-ese for 'when it's convenient for me', then we need to rethink our priorities. I assure you, I am speaking about myself here, as this is really where I was coming from for too long.

Thankfully, the Lord has taught me this lesson while my kids are still young. I have ground to make up, but should the Lord grant it, I have time to make it back up. Little by little. Hour by hour. Day by day. Intentionally being with my kids and setting aside the time to see that quantity turn into quality.