Rejoicing in the Wife of My Youth

Today is Christen's birthday. She would have been 30, and in her typical, buck-the-trend attitude, she had looked forward to turning 30 since she was 28. As her husband, I would like to take a moment to honor her on this day.

Christen and I got married at 23 and 22, respectively. The joke around our church, and to each other, was that we might as well have gotten married when we were 12 for all we knew. Our pre-marriage relationship was interesting, in a word. It was on and off, on and off, then on-engaged-married. We dated from a distance, focusing on phone communication to build our relationship. There was relatively little face-to-face interaction. From that, by the grace of God, we just knew we were for each other.

Our married life was marked by conversation. Perpetual. Conversation. Between texts, emails, phone calls, time together in the mornings and evenings, stolen moments at church, dates, and on and on, we just kept talking to one another. This was made possible by her infinite patience with my verbal processing and her ability to go with me in thought and application. In truth, she was always better at taking what I was working out in the abstract and making it tangible, putting skin on it and feet to it. In that way, she held me accountable to my ideas and helped me walk them out in real life. Yet she did this with such a grace that I never felt insecure about it. Rather, she could encourage me, hold me accountable, and make me feel respected all at once. This combination made me a better man, far better than I would have been on my own. Her words made me think, her actions made me bold, and her grace in both made me intoxicated.

Christen made life real. She was profound in her simplicity. She opened herself up for the world to see, blemishes and all. She wanted everyone to know that there was nothing special about her but that Jesus in her  working through her was very special. So she opened our home to anyone willing to risk coming in and hanging out with two small children while being put to work. Amazingly, single women were always around. They came, they asked questions, they listened, they were impacted. Christen's mark on their lives can be seen, literally, all over the country.

Christen loved the truth. Specifically, she loved the Truth of the Bible. She loved reading the Word, gaining new and fresh understanding, and passing that on to others. As her husband, I had the privilege of watching and processing with her what she was learning. As each day, week, month, and year passed, her grasp of who the Lord is grew in depth and intimacy. Yet she knew there was always more to glean, greater truths to mine from the Scriptures.

She also loved telling the truth. She chose to be transparent where others would naturally tend toward privacy. She wanted people to know that life is not always pretty, that relationships can be messy, that raising children is hard, that cultivating a loving marriage takes work, that growing in Christ takes death to self - and that all of that is worth it when compared to the blessings in Christ both here on earth and in heaven. I loved the fact that, when someone would ask her a question, I knew she would give them exactly what she thought about it, even if it meant throwing herself under the bus. And that's why people continually came to her. They knew they'd get the truth.

Christen was a wonderful mother. She loved Audrey and Hudson. She did not have the easiest transition into being a mom, but in her constant pursuit of truth, she discovered the great nobility of being a stay-at-home-mom, realizing that her greatest ministry investments came in that space - as a wife and mother. Did she do a lot of other ministry for a lot of other people? Of course - see above. But her homeward orientation led her into a strength that I don't know she ever fully realized she had. She found a way to balance grace and discipline, helping our kids understand that obedience is not about following rules but about an outpouring of love for God. She understood that raising our children is part of 'making disciples' as Jesus commands. And she took that very seriously. She also just plain loved on them, cuddling each of them every chance she got, and telling them how much she loved them and appreciated who they were and how honored she was to be their mommy. This has stuck with our kids.

Christen was my 'lover and my friend' (SoS 5:16). She was my best friend; we were surely one flesh. She has been described as the Proverbs 31 woman. I agree with that, and when I think of that woman laughing at the future, I think of Christen busting out that full-of-joy, explosive, Julia Roberts laugh. She did, in fact, do good for me all the days of our life together. Because of her steadfastness, patience, grace, and love for me, I have been able to stand confidently 'at the gates' as a man and a husband and a father. I can truly say,

"Many women have done excellently, but she surpasses them all."