The Trials and Triumphs of Raising a Theologian

Audrey is 5 years old. She's been raised in the church. I'm talking multiple services every week, being held like a football while Daddy worked the sound board and Mommy sang in the choir, ministry road trip at 2 months old, singing in the children's choir, small group at our house, memorizing Scripture, praying in the microphone, talking to strangers about Jesus - THAT kind of raised in church.

Add to this the fact that I have read the Bible and prayed with her every night since she was 2. At first, it was the picture Bible and a short prayer from Daddy. Then she got her very own Bible, an NIV complete with lilac-colored cover and stitched-on flowers. From that point on, the story Bible just wouldn't cut it. We had to read from the story Bible AND the Bible Bible every night. And, she learned how to pray. Presently, she joins Hudson and I while I read to him (from the Jesus Storybook Bible), and then she gets in her bed while I pray with him. I then go to her room, where we read from The Big Picture Story Bible, a passage from her NIV, we pray, and finally I read a chapter from the Chronicles of Narnia book we happen to be in (currently, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe).

At 5, she has become one of the most thoughtful and thought-provoking people, adult or child, that I have ever met. Yes, I am biased, but I am not trying to exaggerate too much. We have had conversations about heaven, hell, the necessity of the cross, the Trinity (that one didn't go well), the importance of sharing the gospel, the centrality of the Bible, and many of the attributes of God. It is not amazing that we talk about these things; it isn't even totally amazing that she understands them (after all, that would be something for which I could attempt to take some credit). What is absolutely mind-boggling is her ability to deeply comprehend these complex truths, articulate them in a way that shows this understanding, and then connect them to each other. Her capacity for Truth goes well beyond Daddy as teacher to Jesus as Master.

I write all of this not to make her sound super-human but to say that, as her father, God is going to have to continually refresh me with biblical insight and a God-ward perspective as I teach her. I must keep Jesus as the center of my life and subsequently my home. To be very honest, I relied heavily on Christen to bring the 'softer touch' when it came to raising this little girl. I have always been more than happy to teach her the Bible and about prayer. But worship? Handling oneself with grace? I must admit, I leaned on Christen for these things. I am very direct - grace is a challenge. I am a bass player - singing isn't my 'natural' form of worship. Yet I am without excuse, and the Lord has put forth the challenge.

Faced now with the prospect of raising a daughter with no mother, I have many fears and insecurities. How do I braid hair? What in the world is the difference between lip gloss, lip balm, and lipstick? Jeggings...really? How do I resolve the inevitable body image issues? How do I teach her about the 'gentle and quiet spirit' Peter writes about?

My personal tendency is to say, "Okay, I'll just be both mother and father to her. I'll figure it out. I can do it all!" That simply is not possible, nor should it be something I strive for. Shortly after Christen's passing, Audrey stated, "Now Jesus is my mommy." As usual, she had the right perspective.

I know this, however: As her father, my primary responsibility is to show her love so that she can comprehend her Heavenly Father's love for her. Further, I am to be a gentleman to her so that she recognizes her great value and does not give herself to some sweet-talker with bad intentions and no ability to lead her simply because he shows interest. My desire for her is that she is thoroughly unimpressed by 'the field' of men until such a time as her husband shows up. I desire for her to see Jesus as the lover of her soul, and the foundation for that is built on how I love her now.

Raising a daughter is an awesome responsibility. Raising this particular daughter is especially daunting due to her beauty, compassion, sensitivity, and capacity. Over the years, many people have commented that their first impression of her was one of intimidation - they were intimidated by her. I confess, so am I.

God, grant me the grace to love her well - nourishing her soul with Your Presence, washing her heart with Your Word, and filling her mind with Your Truth. Amen.