Account Transfer

I considered not writing this post. It is a particularly difficult idea to write on, and it could be easily misunderstood. Further, I have been writing a week ahead for most of my posts. This gives me time to reread, edit, and let it marinate for a few days before it is posted. This, however, is a thought that came to me last night as I was praying and started writing on this morning. Thus, it is incomplete in many ways. In a sense, this is a pretty raw look at how I'm processing. I post it because I hope this transparency will encourage further transparency among the people of God across a variety of issues, situations, and circumstances.


I was recently speaking with someone about some next steps I am considering regarding my determination to see God glorified through this whole situation. She told me, rightly, to focus on loving God. Her advice was to then let the outflow of that love be what fuels my drive to see Him glorified. She was right. I mulled over her words the rest of that day and into the next. Monday night, I just sat on my bed (late at night, as usual) and began praying this over.

*Side note: my prayers have completely changed in the wake of Christen's passing. As I've written elsewhere and said frequently, I lost my conversation partner. My prayers now sound much more like I'm just having a conversation with God. Because I am.*

Stephen Covey, in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, writes about what he calls the 'emotional bank account'. Essentially, in any relationship, you make emotional deposits when you do something positive for someone close to you. It can be a kind word, a hug, a card, and the like. You make a withdrawal when you do something negative, like forgetting an appointment, saying an unkind word, etc. The idea, obviously, is to build up your emotional bank account with those close to you like you build your savings account. Sure, there will be the occasional withdrawal, but the deposits should far outweigh the withdrawals.

I realized that I had all this love stored up for Christen, but I now had nothing to do with it. Our emotional bank account was full since we had not withdrawn from one another in any significant way in a very long time. It is full but just sits there. There is no more accumulation.

As I sat on my bed, I prayed that the Lord would help me transfer this love into my relationship with Him. I am asking God to help me love Him more and to allow that abundance to overflow to my kids and then every other relationship.