This post is adapted from a 'free write' that Christen did in the middle of November. She would sometimes do this when working through some writer's block. She would just sit for a given amount of time and write whatever came into her head. Sometimes it led to a new post, other times it just freed up her thinking for future posts. I took the portion below, and I'd like to take the liberty to expand on it, perhaps completing the thought she'd started based on what I know of where she was at the time.
Joe and I have been fasting for many days now. 18 to be exact. I haven't felt super spiritual or had any major revelations, but I do feel a heightened sense of awareness of my sin and of my shortcomings/foolishness. I'm praying, but I haven't felt a strong leading to ask for anything specific. Except for Jesus. I felt to ask for more Jesus. I don't even know what that means.
Christen and I fasted somewhat regularly, usually once early in the year (relatively short, maybe 3-5 days, taking various forms) and once in November (a Daniel fast lasting 21 days). Inevitably, when we fasted and prayed, I was praying for vision, direction, and wisdom pertaining to our family as well as what direction our ministry was to take. The Lord was faithful to meet me in these things, but I always felt more like Martha. Christen was like Mary. She would just sit at the Lord's feet and wait. And wait. And wait. She would just dwell in His presence, and she came away from our fasts not with definitive direction but with a better connection with and understanding of our great God. She inevitably came to the conclusion that what she really needed was more of Christ, a deeper relationship, more death to her sin and more abundance of life in Christ. My lesson, and something for you too, is this: When fasting and praying, first take time to assess where your relationship with Christ is before you decide that you need to fast 'for something'.
I've tried to do more things that interest me that are productive. Like rearranging the furniture. I really enjoy that. I used to not think that that was a helpful talent. Staging. However, I think of it like a shared appreciation for beauty and order.
God is the Creator. He is imaginative. He is colorful. He is complex. For a long time, Christen thought that her affinity for design, decor, fashion, and the like was 'useless'. She thought it served no purpose. Sure, we liked having a comfortable, 'home-y' home, but she felt like she should be able to funnel that energy into something more 'productive'. It was only after we talked it out and realized that creativity is part of who God is, and that we are created in His image (the imago Dei, for all the theologians in the house) did she fully embrace this part of how God had made her. I'll be honest, this will be one of the parts of her that will be the most missed. She was always making our home feel like home. As in, walk-in-the-door-take-a-deep-breath-and-relax home. If you're a 'creative' type, don't feel as though what you do is useless. You are created by a Creator who is creative. Embrace it.
Often I feel a strong tension between poverty theology and not. I honestly feel ashamed at times that we have a beautiful home and that we have nice things. I know that we are spoiled. I know that we have more material blessings than most people on the earth. At any rate, I try to accept the blessing that it is and not lose sight of the real blessing, Christ.
As Americans, and as Westerners in general, she has it right: we are 'spoiled'. We have much where so many others have little...or nothing. Poverty theology, boiled down to a one-point statement, holds that we should seek to literally rid ourselves of all material goods for the sake of others. Like many types of theology, there are elements of truth to this and yet many holes. For example, what happens when God, like a good Father, chooses to bless His children? I'm not talking Prosperity theology 'blessing'. I'm talking about God as a good Father giving His children good gifts, not because we have 'enough faith' but because He just likes to do it. If He does this, and we then turn around and toss it away because we feel guilty for having something, are we then rejecting the blessing of God? This is not an easy question to answer, and my intention is not to create a firestorm with this brief commentary. It is, however, meant to illustrate the dialogue that went on in our home from time to time. In the end, her conclusion was our conclusion - whatever the Lord brings our way, whether abundance or scarcity, Christ is our treasure. And this truth remains.
Thanks, Joe
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