The Problem with Pronouns

When Christen and I were married, we committed to being fully vested in one another. We did as the Bible says, and left our father and mother and cleaved to each other. We truly became one flesh - best friends and lovers together.

I am a verbal processor, and as such words are very important to me. Consequently, after marrying Christen I began to realize just how often I referred to myself in the first person singular - I, me, my, mine. For most of you, this would mean absolutely nothing. When you're on your own or recounting something you did individually, you naturally use 'I' and think nothing of it. I sometimes wish I processed that way!

For me, however, speaking in such a way revealed a self-centered inclination in my heart. When I spoke about 'me', I was only thinking about ME. As a small example of this, I once filled out an offering envelope at church and put only my name on it. Christen, seeing this, said, "Hey, I'm part of that, too!" Again, this may seem silly to some, but it was telling to me.

Thus, I learned to speak in first person plural - we, us, our, ours - about nearly everything. Such a small change impacted my thinking and the direction of my heart in profound ways. Every time I said 'we', I thought of Christen, that she and I were 'in on this together'. It also put her in front of anyone to whom I spoke. It was a constant reminder to me and others that I was a one-woman man, and that one woman impacted everything in my life (and I hers). It was now our home, our car, our kids, our money, our decision, our life. And I loved every second of it.

I now find myself in the strange position of undoing that line of thinking. Yes, in one very real sense, it is still our home, our kids, etc. In another equally real sense, it is mine. I still speak in first person plural most of the time without thinking of it. I catch myself at it, and it now serves as an opposite reminder - that in fact it isn't 'us' anymore in the tangible, physical reality of 'us'. The 'us' is part of time past and not time present. To many, this perhaps would seem a trifle compared to the immensity of other issues I am facing. And they would be right. And yet, for me, the chasm between 'us' and 'me' is immeasurably wide.