On Grieving and the Sovereignty of God Part 1

Christen wrote this passage in a journal of hers during her own period of grief after our miscarriage. She writes:


My experience with grieving is far from extensive, and I know many others have been through far worse loss than I. However, I do believe that most people miss a rich lesson and intimate moments with our Lord. I once read that a crisis doesn't make you or break you, it simply reveals you. I disagree to an extent. Based on my understanding, to merely get through the grief and move on is to lose a powerful opportunity to be molded, loved, restored, and strengthened. In the moment of a shattered dream, you have a choice to say, "The Lord will use this for someone in the future," or, " [I] trust that He will us it right now for [my] life."


She and I had the opportunity to talk much about how she was processing her own grieving during that time. You see, her grief was tangible. She felt the attachment. This would have been our 3rd child, and so she knew all the feelings she was feeling, what they meant, and what that meant for the baby. The above journal entry came about as we spoke about her feelings with respect to the Lord's nearness. For her, He was so near that it was practically overwhelming for her. Comforting, to be sure, but overwhelming all the same.
We spoke frequently during this time about the depth her relationship with Christ was going because of the suffering she was enduring. She experienced His peace and strength in an entirely new way. She would often say that she would never have known how deep the Lord's peace could be if she had not gone through that season.
When I think about this and read her words, I realize that God is doing something very similar in me at this time. People have said, over and over, they are amazed by 'my' strength. I can only say that it is not mine. Paul writes that it is in our weakness that God's strength is most manifest (2 Co.12:9-10). Note that this is not referring to areas of one's life that could use improvement (weaknesses), as though other areas are doing fine (strengths). It is referring to a state of being. We are weak people, broken vessels. And it is when we recognize this truth and humbly come to Christ that we see His strength enabling us (Phil.4:13).
What I see the Lord working in me is peace and a type of comfort, yet also discontentment. Peace over this situation, comfort in the sense of knowing His purposes are good, discontentment with settling in and getting comfortable. I pray to never arrive at 'comfortable'. I want a holy discomfort with the state of myself, my church, my city. Because I want to see it all transformed by Jesus. Transformation is destructive and terribly beautiful. Thus, God's work in me is not 'only beginning' nor is it 'almost finished.' It is ongoing. This is sanctification. Glory to glory and strength to strength.