The week after Christen passed away, a few people asked about when I was planning on going through her clothes and packing them up/giving them away. When my grandmother passed away several years ago, my grandfather went through her things within the first few days. His logic: If I don't do it now, I'm never going to do it. That's reasonable.
I, however, chose to wait. This was in part because I couldn't bring myself to do it right then. The previous two weeks had been a whirlwind of shock, pain, grief, processing, details, emotional ups and (mostly) downs, family, travel, and on and on. I just could not bring myself to go through Christen's clothing after all of that. Besides, a lot of her clothes were in our storage closet because she was wise to store our Spring/Summer wardrobe somewhere other than in our limited closet space (it is Chicago, after all). I was not going to try to bring all that up in the middle of January only to effectively take it all back down again, then bring it up for me and the kids again in Spring. I figured, when it's time to bring out the Spring clothes, I'll go through her stuff then.
That day was today.
To understand this moment, you have to understand who Christen was when it came to fashion. While I am no great fashion-monger myself, I did learn a few things in being her husband. Namely: Her style was her own. This is something that I always loved about her. She did not mimic other people. She did not stalk celebrity styles to do what 'they' were doing (these principles also applied to her hair). She found a way to be ahead of the curve without really paying attention to magazines, tabloids, fashion gurus, and the like. We don't have cable, so even shows like 'What Not to Wear' (which she loved) were unavailable. Consequently, she made up her own style. Everything from her color combinations to layers to textures to accessories were uniquely Christen. I can't begin to tell you how many times I heard women in the church comment, 'I love what you're wearing, but I could never pull it off,' to Christen. As her husband - beaming! I mean, come on guys, admit it: Being married to an 'it' girl is pretty sweet. After all, she said 'yes' to me - amazing!
I also loved her approach to shopping. She would go to a store with something very specific in mind. I would think, 'Oh, she's seen that in a catalog somewhere,' or some such nonsense. After looking around for awhile, she would very often just be done and ready to leave. Sure, she'd have picked up a couple of items, walked around with them, perhaps even tried them on. In the end, if it wasn't exactly what she'd pictured in her mind, it would go back on the rack. She did this all the time. I would ask her about it. Her response: 'I saw it in my head, and I figure it has to be out there somewhere. So I'll look until I find it.' Very often she would find it - a year later when the fashion world had caught up to my wife's brain.
I wouldn't say that fashion was something Christen spent a lot of time thinking about (after all, her word for all the material stuff of this life was kindling); she did, however, have exceptional taste, class, style, and timing. She managed to do something that most women scoff at - she made modesty trendy.
This brings us to this afternoon. I brought up the bins from storage, pulled out my clothes as well as the kids', and then got to the task of emptying out all of her clothes. The living room was covered by the time I was finished emptying all the bins, under-the-bed storage, and the closet.
I went through each item because I wanted to remember. At some items I laughed ('how did she ever make that work?'). At others I smiled ('she wore that all the time'). A few I simply broke down and wept uncontrollably ('I remember the last time she wore this' or 'she wore this on our anniversary').
At one point I found a sweatshirt that Christen used to wear around the house all the time. Gray and white striped, zip-up hoodie made of waffley cotton material. It had been tossed behind something in the closet, so it hadn't been washed since the last time she'd worn it. It still smelled like her. And I lost it. Hudson was in the room for that one. He came over, and at first he laughed because he thought I was playing some sort of game. In fact, he asked if I was playing. I told him I was not, and that I missed Mommy very much. He just stared at me with such compassion on his face, he looked 23 instead of 3. Then he hugged me. I told him I loved him, and he said he loved me too. I told him I loved Mama, and he told me she loved me too. It was the most excruciating and sweetest moment of the entire day.
I am emotionally exhausted as I type this. This day has been circled on my calendar, so to speak, since Christen's passing. In going through this process, I knew part of it would be remembering her as she was when she wore this outfit, that dress, those skirts, and so on. It would mean dealing with the fact that she would never fill those clothes again. It would mean touching the cloth that used to touch her skin, knowing that neither it nor I would ever do so again. The clothes by themselves are nothing. But clothes have memories, and I heard each one of them today.
I wish I could type something inspiring at this point in the post. I praise God that His mercies are new in the morning because I'm ready to go to bed and wake up to that. The truth is that today was one of the most emotionally taxing days I have had since her funeral. The point of today was not to see how far I've come in my grieving. The point of today was not to gauge my emotional readiness for this or that. The point of today was to get through today. To do this next hard thing. To embrace what was and accept, in increasing measure, that it isn't anymore. To let my kids know that it's okay for them to still miss Mommy. To weep openly. To say goodbye, again.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy....
I think I heard that phrase approximately 48,000 times this evening. Mostly, though not exclusively, from Hudson. Hudson has always been a daddy's boy. That has only become more accentuated in these last months, and especially in the last couple of weeks.
Tonight, I think we hit the peak. I actually had to marvel at how many times my name was said in a 2 hour time frame. I laugh even now as I think of it. The singular focus of Hudson's mind was nothing short of amazing. I've never witnessed such a laser-like vision from him. It was all me, all the time, all night.
To be very honest, in the moment, nights like this are exhausting. I was ready to fall asleep on Hudson's bed while I rubbed his back. He's still in a toddler bed, but in spite of the size, it felt remarkably comfortable. In the moment, nights like tonight are very difficult, a little frustrating, and can instantly zap one's energy.
In the long run, though, it's a different story. I am committed to responding to Hudson when he calls. I am trusting that this will communicate to him that his father hears him, and that will translate into his trusting that his Heavenly Father will likewise respond when he calls on Him. So, Hudson calls out, over and over again.
My response? Every time it's the same:
"Yeah, buddy, what's up?"
Tonight, I think we hit the peak. I actually had to marvel at how many times my name was said in a 2 hour time frame. I laugh even now as I think of it. The singular focus of Hudson's mind was nothing short of amazing. I've never witnessed such a laser-like vision from him. It was all me, all the time, all night.
To be very honest, in the moment, nights like this are exhausting. I was ready to fall asleep on Hudson's bed while I rubbed his back. He's still in a toddler bed, but in spite of the size, it felt remarkably comfortable. In the moment, nights like tonight are very difficult, a little frustrating, and can instantly zap one's energy.
In the long run, though, it's a different story. I am committed to responding to Hudson when he calls. I am trusting that this will communicate to him that his father hears him, and that will translate into his trusting that his Heavenly Father will likewise respond when he calls on Him. So, Hudson calls out, over and over again.
My response? Every time it's the same:
"Yeah, buddy, what's up?"
Thursday, April 19, 2012
How to Study the Bible: The Foundation
With so much to cover and so many topics I'd like to talk about, I put Theology Thursday to a vote. The outcome of the vote determined what would be covered in the coming months. The first subject to be tackled is How to Study the Bible.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.
When the votes were tallied and this came out on top, I was pretty pleased. Some of the topics are, perhaps, more 'controversial'. Others are more 'current'. This one, however, is the most foundational. Therefore, I am glad to be going at it first. As was pointed out by one of the voters, all the other discussions stem from this root, the root that the Bible is true and instructs us in how to live and view the world and the circumstances in which we find ourselves. We should know why we should trust the Bible. We should know how it came to be. We should understand how to read it. We should understand how to read! I intend to cover each of these ideas in the coming weeks.
Before getting into the specifics of this topic, though, I want to let you all know that I have a bias: I believe the Bible is true. Every word of it. I believe the Bible is applicable. Every word of it. As I write more and more, I hope that conviction is put on display for your edification and my own accountability to the text.
I arrive at this conviction based out of the text above. The Bible was breathed out by God. By itself, that should be enough for us to want to read it and read it well. However, because the Holy Spirit is an excellent instructor, He tells us (through Paul, in this instance) why this is true. The Bible is profitable (literally useful or beneficial) for our lives in all areas. Is there something we need to learn? The Bible teaches. Is there sin in our lives? The Bible rebukes. Are we thinking incorrectly about something? The Bible corrects. Are we infants needing to grow in spiritual maturity? The Bible trains. To what end? That we would be competent and prepared for anything God would have us to do.
Here's the thing: God wrote a book. As such, we need to be reading it. Not just commentaries about it. Not second-hand opinions of it. We should open the actual book and read the actual words on the page. Those words are profitable for us. All of them.
Thus, we should get comfortable with reading them. Further, we should be comfortable reading, period. Little words in the Bible, because they were inspired by God the Holy Spirit, are a big deal. Words like therefore, so that, but, and, and so on are critical to our understanding of Scripture. This will mean getting comfortable with grammar....but I digress.
In the coming weeks, I will approach the subject of studying the Bible from a few angles, beginning with developing an apologetic of confidence toward the actual Bible itself. Here's how I intend to proceed:
1) What is the Bible?
In this I will discuss how the Bible came about, including its canonization. I'll even give away the ending: the Bible is trustworthy as it is today. It wasn't put together 'over hundreds of years'. It was accepted long before that.
2) Is the Bible a valid historical document?
This is important because if there has been corruption of the text over time, what we hold in our hands isn't really worth reading as 'true'. If, however, we can believe that what we have was what was written, then we can begin discoursing on the implications of what it says.
3) Why study the Bible?
By recognizing the text as accurate to what was written, then we can consider its implications and why it would be important to be familiar with it. This conversation will involve the importance of practicing discipline with our time in the Word.
4) How do we study the Bible?
This will be the most practical of all of the posts. I will discuss a few ideas to help get you started in studying the Bible. In the end, there is no 'perfect' or 'right' way of studying the Bible. However, having something on which to build will be helpful. This will also include a consideration for the different genres in which different books of the Bible are written and how that colors how we read.
Throughout this series, I will do my best to include helpful resources to consult as you approach this all-important study of the Bible itself. My list will not be comprehensive, but I trust it will be a good start. Also, it is my sincere hope and prayer that these posts will spark discussion, not merely a monologue on my part. If there is something unclear, please ask questions. If I am way off on something, call me out. Don't just take my word for it - do some research alongside me. Let's use this time to sharpen one another!
2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.
When the votes were tallied and this came out on top, I was pretty pleased. Some of the topics are, perhaps, more 'controversial'. Others are more 'current'. This one, however, is the most foundational. Therefore, I am glad to be going at it first. As was pointed out by one of the voters, all the other discussions stem from this root, the root that the Bible is true and instructs us in how to live and view the world and the circumstances in which we find ourselves. We should know why we should trust the Bible. We should know how it came to be. We should understand how to read it. We should understand how to read! I intend to cover each of these ideas in the coming weeks.
Before getting into the specifics of this topic, though, I want to let you all know that I have a bias: I believe the Bible is true. Every word of it. I believe the Bible is applicable. Every word of it. As I write more and more, I hope that conviction is put on display for your edification and my own accountability to the text.
I arrive at this conviction based out of the text above. The Bible was breathed out by God. By itself, that should be enough for us to want to read it and read it well. However, because the Holy Spirit is an excellent instructor, He tells us (through Paul, in this instance) why this is true. The Bible is profitable (literally useful or beneficial) for our lives in all areas. Is there something we need to learn? The Bible teaches. Is there sin in our lives? The Bible rebukes. Are we thinking incorrectly about something? The Bible corrects. Are we infants needing to grow in spiritual maturity? The Bible trains. To what end? That we would be competent and prepared for anything God would have us to do.
Here's the thing: God wrote a book. As such, we need to be reading it. Not just commentaries about it. Not second-hand opinions of it. We should open the actual book and read the actual words on the page. Those words are profitable for us. All of them.
Thus, we should get comfortable with reading them. Further, we should be comfortable reading, period. Little words in the Bible, because they were inspired by God the Holy Spirit, are a big deal. Words like therefore, so that, but, and, and so on are critical to our understanding of Scripture. This will mean getting comfortable with grammar....but I digress.
In the coming weeks, I will approach the subject of studying the Bible from a few angles, beginning with developing an apologetic of confidence toward the actual Bible itself. Here's how I intend to proceed:
1) What is the Bible?
In this I will discuss how the Bible came about, including its canonization. I'll even give away the ending: the Bible is trustworthy as it is today. It wasn't put together 'over hundreds of years'. It was accepted long before that.
2) Is the Bible a valid historical document?
This is important because if there has been corruption of the text over time, what we hold in our hands isn't really worth reading as 'true'. If, however, we can believe that what we have was what was written, then we can begin discoursing on the implications of what it says.
3) Why study the Bible?
By recognizing the text as accurate to what was written, then we can consider its implications and why it would be important to be familiar with it. This conversation will involve the importance of practicing discipline with our time in the Word.
4) How do we study the Bible?
This will be the most practical of all of the posts. I will discuss a few ideas to help get you started in studying the Bible. In the end, there is no 'perfect' or 'right' way of studying the Bible. However, having something on which to build will be helpful. This will also include a consideration for the different genres in which different books of the Bible are written and how that colors how we read.
Throughout this series, I will do my best to include helpful resources to consult as you approach this all-important study of the Bible itself. My list will not be comprehensive, but I trust it will be a good start. Also, it is my sincere hope and prayer that these posts will spark discussion, not merely a monologue on my part. If there is something unclear, please ask questions. If I am way off on something, call me out. Don't just take my word for it - do some research alongside me. Let's use this time to sharpen one another!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
The Gift of Suffering: The Message
I had the opportunity to speak to the young adult ministry at my church recently, and from the moment I was asked to speak, I felt very strongly to speak on suffering. This is the talk I gave that night. It's a bit long (an hour), and I haven't mastered the art of editing in YouTube just yet, but I wanted to present it for your consideration nonetheless. In the end, my hope is that you will see suffering the way God intends and the Bible describes: as a gift.
Monday, April 16, 2012
And the Winner Is....
The votes have all been cast for what I'll be covering over the next several weeks (maybe months?) of Theology Thursdays. Here is how it all panned out, in order of most votes/what will be covered first:
1) How to study the Bible (including a conversation on the validity of the Bible)
2) How to be in the world but not of it
3) How am I saved? (including a conversation on Free will/Arminianism & Predestination/Calvinism)
4) What is 'church'?
5) Is God good?
6) Is hell real?
7) Romans 10: 9-10 (that's for you, Frank!)
I appreciated not only the votes but also that you all provided some explanations as to why you want the topic you voted for to be covered. I will incorporate those questions/additional thoughts into what I write.
Based on the weight and depth of these topics, most of them will likely be split into multiple posts - I can promise that will be the case for the first 3 topics at least. I don't want to write a book in one post, but I want to be thorough in my explanation of each. So, anticipate 2-3 posts on How to study the Bible, probably 2 posts on being in the world but not of it, and potentially 3-4 posts on How am I saved?
I am excited to see what comes of each of these topics as I do my homework on them. Thank you all for voicing your opinions and desires and pushing me to sharpen myself as I present these great subjects. I look forward not only to writing them up but also interacting with you over them. Let us not make this simply academic - let's take a look at how to apply the truths we learn daily.
Now, I have to get reading...
1) How to study the Bible (including a conversation on the validity of the Bible)
2) How to be in the world but not of it
3) How am I saved? (including a conversation on Free will/Arminianism & Predestination/Calvinism)
4) What is 'church'?
5) Is God good?
6) Is hell real?
7) Romans 10: 9-10 (that's for you, Frank!)
I appreciated not only the votes but also that you all provided some explanations as to why you want the topic you voted for to be covered. I will incorporate those questions/additional thoughts into what I write.
Based on the weight and depth of these topics, most of them will likely be split into multiple posts - I can promise that will be the case for the first 3 topics at least. I don't want to write a book in one post, but I want to be thorough in my explanation of each. So, anticipate 2-3 posts on How to study the Bible, probably 2 posts on being in the world but not of it, and potentially 3-4 posts on How am I saved?
I am excited to see what comes of each of these topics as I do my homework on them. Thank you all for voicing your opinions and desires and pushing me to sharpen myself as I present these great subjects. I look forward not only to writing them up but also interacting with you over them. Let us not make this simply academic - let's take a look at how to apply the truths we learn daily.
Now, I have to get reading...
Friday, April 13, 2012
Taking Joy in My Kids
I had a realization this week: When I come home, my kids want to spend time with me before doing anything else. Elementary, right? For me, though, it was another one of those 'transition' moments.
You see, Christen usually timed dinner so that it was basically ready when I came in the door. I never asked her to do that; she just did. It worked with the kids' daily routine, and it gave her a break from the kids while preparing dinner before my arrival home. She liked to take that time to get dinner ready and have the table set for when I got home.
I (and the army of amazing caretakers that have been helping our family) have essentially kept that routine. Here's the difference: the kids haven't been with one of their parents all day. When I get home, it's time to be with Daddy. I've been trying to have that time with them over dinner, usually at the table. Great idea...under normal circumstances.
Unfortunately, I am still learning just how 'not normal' our circumstances are now. My kids don't want to sit at the table and eat dinner shortly after I get home. Even if they are hungry, what they really want to do is run, play, wrestle, show me art projects, and anything else that comes into their little minds that they can bring me into before sitting down to eat.
After fighting 'The Dinner War' for the last several weeks, I'm going to give this a shot. It'll mean eating a little later than usual. It may even mean starting bedtime slightly later than before (we'll see about that). Hopefully, it will also mean more quality time with my kids - including at the dinner table.
I'll keep you posted...
You see, Christen usually timed dinner so that it was basically ready when I came in the door. I never asked her to do that; she just did. It worked with the kids' daily routine, and it gave her a break from the kids while preparing dinner before my arrival home. She liked to take that time to get dinner ready and have the table set for when I got home.
I (and the army of amazing caretakers that have been helping our family) have essentially kept that routine. Here's the difference: the kids haven't been with one of their parents all day. When I get home, it's time to be with Daddy. I've been trying to have that time with them over dinner, usually at the table. Great idea...under normal circumstances.
Unfortunately, I am still learning just how 'not normal' our circumstances are now. My kids don't want to sit at the table and eat dinner shortly after I get home. Even if they are hungry, what they really want to do is run, play, wrestle, show me art projects, and anything else that comes into their little minds that they can bring me into before sitting down to eat.
After fighting 'The Dinner War' for the last several weeks, I'm going to give this a shot. It'll mean eating a little later than usual. It may even mean starting bedtime slightly later than before (we'll see about that). Hopefully, it will also mean more quality time with my kids - including at the dinner table.
I'll keep you posted...
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Putting It to a Vote
I am at a place where I have so much I'd like to write about for Theology Thursdays that I can't distill it down and focus on one thing. So, since I am an American (read: Amurrikn), I'm going to put it to a vote. Please either place your vote as a comment to this blog or on Facebook. One vote per person, since I will be the one counting them all.
I am going to put up a few topics to be covered in the coming weeks here on Theology Thursdays, but you may also propose your own topic if what you'd really like me write about isn't listed. The top vote-getter will be covered first, and then I will continue in descending order from there. Depending on the breadth/depth of the topic, some will be one-and-done posts while others will require a series. To the list!
- How to study the Bible (including a conversation on the validity of the Bible)
- How am I saved? (including a conversation on Free will/Arminianism & Predestination/Calvinism)
- How to be in the world but not of it
- What is 'church'?
- Is God good?
- Is hell real?
The voting will be open until midnight on Saturday (technically Sunday), and I will reveal the results first thing on Monday. Take a moment to cast your vote here or on Facebook, and share this with friends so they may also participate.
Happy voting!
I am going to put up a few topics to be covered in the coming weeks here on Theology Thursdays, but you may also propose your own topic if what you'd really like me write about isn't listed. The top vote-getter will be covered first, and then I will continue in descending order from there. Depending on the breadth/depth of the topic, some will be one-and-done posts while others will require a series. To the list!
- How to study the Bible (including a conversation on the validity of the Bible)
- How am I saved? (including a conversation on Free will/Arminianism & Predestination/Calvinism)
- How to be in the world but not of it
- What is 'church'?
- Is God good?
- Is hell real?
The voting will be open until midnight on Saturday (technically Sunday), and I will reveal the results first thing on Monday. Take a moment to cast your vote here or on Facebook, and share this with friends so they may also participate.
Happy voting!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Why I Like: Chicago
From time to time I am going to take a moment to write about the major influences on my life: authors, preachers, music, movies, and the like. I will put these posts up in a thoroughly biased manner because each post will strictly be my opinion. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but hopefully, each post will shed some light on why I think the way I think. And, maybe, you'll come to appreciate them too.
I am originally from a very small town in rural, western Illinois. For those who care, and for those from there, the town is named Aledo. Christen moved to Aledo in junior high from an even smaller town in central/southern Illinois. When we got married, we flew out to Colorado for our honeymoon and then back into Chicago, where we promptly drove to our apartment and began our lives in the Second City. When we told folks from back home that we were planning on starting our married life in Chicago, every single person had the same reaction: 'Why?!' After being here for nearly seven years, I am prepared to more fully answer that question.
Now, before I jump into why I love Chicago so much, it must be noted that this is a tremendously difficult city with a notorious history and a troubling present. Chicago was founded for the purpose of making money - transporting goods from the fertile Midwest to the East Coast was no easy task, but Chicago made that possible. This led to all sorts of greed, swindling, strong-arming, and oppression (mostly of laborers). In Chicago, many people saw opportunity. Those that took advantage of that opportunity built themselves empires which were ruthlessly maintained. Politicians were paid for while laborers were not. Further, due to immigration and the way labor was distributed, Chicago was a segregated city from the beginning.
Today, these themes remain. We can see the greed on display on the Magnificent Mile, the segregation in every neighborhood, the crime and poverty, and the corruption of the political system. This is no city for the faint of heart.
But I love it.
I love that, though the neighborhoods are segregated, they celebrate who lives there throughout the year. There are parades for every possible Independence Day you can think of. It also makes it easier to know where to go if you're in the mood for a certain type of food. Puerto Rican? Head to Humboldt Park. Indian? Go to Devon Street. Italian? Little Italy - or any shady, obviously-mafia-run place you can find. Steak? Downtown. Pizza? It's Chicago - pick one.
I love that there are some neighborhoods that buck the segregation trend. I live in Rogers Park. It is considered one of the most diverse neighborhoods in the country, sporting more than 80 languages spoken and every major religion represented. I can go to the park with my kids and hear seven different languages spoken. My kids have learned that the first question to ask isn't necessarily, 'Do you want to play?' but rather, 'Do you speak English?' Even then, if the child doesn't speak English, everyone knows how to play 'tag'.
I love that Chicago hibernates during the bitter winters but wakes up to celebrate Spring, Summer, and Fall. The appreciation is seen in outdoor festivals, block parties, sporting events (including the Cubs, White Sox, and Bears for the outdoor fans, and the Bulls and Blackhawks for the indoor fans), concerts, movies in the park(s), and on and on. There isn't a city I'd rather be in during the Summer.
I love that Chicago embraces culture. This goes back to its founding. Because Chicago was so notorious for being all about manufacturing and shipping and smelly, dirty, hard labor, the elite made a concerted effort to bring in class and sophistication to the city. This is why Chicago has its museums, parks, art, and architecture.
Mostly, I love that Chicago is uncompromisingly itself. It is not a mini-New York or a mini-Los Angeles. Chicago is Chicago. It has its own identity, and it is certainly a force on culture as we know it. It is full of people with Midwestern hospitality and yet an urban propensity to, shall we say, tell it like it is. We have the richest of the rich, the poorest of the poor, the cultured and the not, the educated and the not, the immigrant, the native, the family, the single, the old school and the new, the creatives and the traditionalists.
I love Chicago because it is home.
I am originally from a very small town in rural, western Illinois. For those who care, and for those from there, the town is named Aledo. Christen moved to Aledo in junior high from an even smaller town in central/southern Illinois. When we got married, we flew out to Colorado for our honeymoon and then back into Chicago, where we promptly drove to our apartment and began our lives in the Second City. When we told folks from back home that we were planning on starting our married life in Chicago, every single person had the same reaction: 'Why?!' After being here for nearly seven years, I am prepared to more fully answer that question.
Now, before I jump into why I love Chicago so much, it must be noted that this is a tremendously difficult city with a notorious history and a troubling present. Chicago was founded for the purpose of making money - transporting goods from the fertile Midwest to the East Coast was no easy task, but Chicago made that possible. This led to all sorts of greed, swindling, strong-arming, and oppression (mostly of laborers). In Chicago, many people saw opportunity. Those that took advantage of that opportunity built themselves empires which were ruthlessly maintained. Politicians were paid for while laborers were not. Further, due to immigration and the way labor was distributed, Chicago was a segregated city from the beginning.
Today, these themes remain. We can see the greed on display on the Magnificent Mile, the segregation in every neighborhood, the crime and poverty, and the corruption of the political system. This is no city for the faint of heart.
But I love it.
I love that, though the neighborhoods are segregated, they celebrate who lives there throughout the year. There are parades for every possible Independence Day you can think of. It also makes it easier to know where to go if you're in the mood for a certain type of food. Puerto Rican? Head to Humboldt Park. Indian? Go to Devon Street. Italian? Little Italy - or any shady, obviously-mafia-run place you can find. Steak? Downtown. Pizza? It's Chicago - pick one.
I love that there are some neighborhoods that buck the segregation trend. I live in Rogers Park. It is considered one of the most diverse neighborhoods in the country, sporting more than 80 languages spoken and every major religion represented. I can go to the park with my kids and hear seven different languages spoken. My kids have learned that the first question to ask isn't necessarily, 'Do you want to play?' but rather, 'Do you speak English?' Even then, if the child doesn't speak English, everyone knows how to play 'tag'.
I love that Chicago hibernates during the bitter winters but wakes up to celebrate Spring, Summer, and Fall. The appreciation is seen in outdoor festivals, block parties, sporting events (including the Cubs, White Sox, and Bears for the outdoor fans, and the Bulls and Blackhawks for the indoor fans), concerts, movies in the park(s), and on and on. There isn't a city I'd rather be in during the Summer.
I love that Chicago embraces culture. This goes back to its founding. Because Chicago was so notorious for being all about manufacturing and shipping and smelly, dirty, hard labor, the elite made a concerted effort to bring in class and sophistication to the city. This is why Chicago has its museums, parks, art, and architecture.
Mostly, I love that Chicago is uncompromisingly itself. It is not a mini-New York or a mini-Los Angeles. Chicago is Chicago. It has its own identity, and it is certainly a force on culture as we know it. It is full of people with Midwestern hospitality and yet an urban propensity to, shall we say, tell it like it is. We have the richest of the rich, the poorest of the poor, the cultured and the not, the educated and the not, the immigrant, the native, the family, the single, the old school and the new, the creatives and the traditionalists.
I love Chicago because it is home.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
The Gift of Suffering: It's a Gift
I had the opportunity to speak to the young adult ministry at my church recently, and from the moment I was asked to speak, I felt very strongly to speak on suffering. Based on the response of that night and subsequent weeks as well as general observation, I believe this topic requires a more thorough examination. In the end, my hope is that you will see suffering the way God intends and the Bible describes: as a gift.
The previous posts in this series have built on each other. First, we discovered that suffering is promised to the Christian. After that, we learned that suffering is a means of grace for the Christian. Last week, we saw that suffering is part of God's plan and is good for the Christian.
In the final post in this series, we combine all of these points with a revealing verse from the Bible to conclude the following: Suffering is a gift from God.
I will expand on this simple statement at the end of the post so that we can more fully understand just exactly how suffering is a gift. For now, let's turn to the Bible to see how this statement can be made at all.
Philippians 1:29
For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake.
The highlighted portions of the verse above indicate how we can understand suffering as a gift. To simplify the verse for the sake of our discussion, it says that it has been granted to us that we should suffer for the sake of Christ. To work this statement in reverse, we see that it is for Christ that we suffer. We can take comfort in this point. We don't suffer needlessly. There is a purpose to our suffering, and that is that we, by His grace, can suffer in such a way that will bring glory to Jesus (Col. 1:24). When we go through suffering but maintain our faith and trust in His good plan, when we refuse to give in to the doubt which we are tempted to feel, we show forth the immanent goodness and trustworthiness of God and display Him as our greatest treasure.
We likewise see, yet again, that suffering is the expected norm for the Christian life. Not only is our belief granted to us, but so is suffering. This has been discussed at length in other posts, but it bears repeating if for no other reason than because this is the hardest point to get - as a Christian, you will suffer.
Finally, we see that this suffering for Christ 'has been granted' to us. Another word for granted is given. And what gets given?
Gifts.
Allow that to sink in before reading on.
Why would God give us suffering as a gift? I don't know about you, but in my flesh I can think of a few other things I would much rather receive than suffering. Like....just about anything. And yet the Bible is unyielding in its view on suffering. It leaves us no room for displeasure in suffering. Why? Let's look back at the last couple of posts to understand this.
We can view suffering as a gift because we can see that it is part of God's plan, and God's plan is good and pleasing and perfect. God's overarching plan for all of creation is to bring Himself glory. Therefore, our suffering is meant to bring Him glory, and in so doing we will be fully satisfied in our lives because, when we suffer well for Christ and hold Him as most dear, He is most glorified.
We can view suffering as a gift because its goodness means that it stands as a form of grace in our lives. It is a way that God trains us as His children, and being His children means being adopted into His family and being co-heirs with Jesus.
We can view suffering as a gift because God promises it will happen in His Word, and His promises are meant for our ultimate benefit and blessing.
Allow me to now expand on the initial statement at the beginning of this post. This is the culminating conclusion of this series:
Suffering is a gift from God designed to enhance our delight in Him and advance the gospel to the world.
Armed with this truth, I want to leave you with a thought and a challenge. I warn you, the challenge will not be easy, yet I believe it is one that every Christian must face at some point in their walk with the Lord.
C.S. Lewis writes in A Grief Observed:
"You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you...Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief (p. 22)."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes in The Cost of Discipleship:
"Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ...Costly grace is a treasure hidden in a field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods...It is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him...Above all it is costly because it cost God the life of His Son; 'ye were bought at a price,' and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us (p. 44-45)."
It is a simple thing to say that God is good and trustworthy when things are going well. It something altogether different to hold to the truth that God is good and trustworthy when no particular circumstance in your life would indicate that goodness.
My challenge is to ask yourself the following questions, honestly, before the Lord:
1) Do you hold your life as so precious that you avoid suffering for the sake of personal comfort?
2) Have you 'sold everything' and made Christ your treasure?
3) Have you asked God to test you in these things?
The previous posts in this series have built on each other. First, we discovered that suffering is promised to the Christian. After that, we learned that suffering is a means of grace for the Christian. Last week, we saw that suffering is part of God's plan and is good for the Christian.
In the final post in this series, we combine all of these points with a revealing verse from the Bible to conclude the following: Suffering is a gift from God.
I will expand on this simple statement at the end of the post so that we can more fully understand just exactly how suffering is a gift. For now, let's turn to the Bible to see how this statement can be made at all.
Philippians 1:29
For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake.
The highlighted portions of the verse above indicate how we can understand suffering as a gift. To simplify the verse for the sake of our discussion, it says that it has been granted to us that we should suffer for the sake of Christ. To work this statement in reverse, we see that it is for Christ that we suffer. We can take comfort in this point. We don't suffer needlessly. There is a purpose to our suffering, and that is that we, by His grace, can suffer in such a way that will bring glory to Jesus (Col. 1:24). When we go through suffering but maintain our faith and trust in His good plan, when we refuse to give in to the doubt which we are tempted to feel, we show forth the immanent goodness and trustworthiness of God and display Him as our greatest treasure.
We likewise see, yet again, that suffering is the expected norm for the Christian life. Not only is our belief granted to us, but so is suffering. This has been discussed at length in other posts, but it bears repeating if for no other reason than because this is the hardest point to get - as a Christian, you will suffer.
Finally, we see that this suffering for Christ 'has been granted' to us. Another word for granted is given. And what gets given?
Gifts.
Allow that to sink in before reading on.
Why would God give us suffering as a gift? I don't know about you, but in my flesh I can think of a few other things I would much rather receive than suffering. Like....just about anything. And yet the Bible is unyielding in its view on suffering. It leaves us no room for displeasure in suffering. Why? Let's look back at the last couple of posts to understand this.
We can view suffering as a gift because we can see that it is part of God's plan, and God's plan is good and pleasing and perfect. God's overarching plan for all of creation is to bring Himself glory. Therefore, our suffering is meant to bring Him glory, and in so doing we will be fully satisfied in our lives because, when we suffer well for Christ and hold Him as most dear, He is most glorified.
We can view suffering as a gift because its goodness means that it stands as a form of grace in our lives. It is a way that God trains us as His children, and being His children means being adopted into His family and being co-heirs with Jesus.
We can view suffering as a gift because God promises it will happen in His Word, and His promises are meant for our ultimate benefit and blessing.
Allow me to now expand on the initial statement at the beginning of this post. This is the culminating conclusion of this series:
Suffering is a gift from God designed to enhance our delight in Him and advance the gospel to the world.
Armed with this truth, I want to leave you with a thought and a challenge. I warn you, the challenge will not be easy, yet I believe it is one that every Christian must face at some point in their walk with the Lord.
C.S. Lewis writes in A Grief Observed:
"You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you...Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief (p. 22)."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes in The Cost of Discipleship:
"Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ...Costly grace is a treasure hidden in a field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods...It is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him...Above all it is costly because it cost God the life of His Son; 'ye were bought at a price,' and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us (p. 44-45)."
It is a simple thing to say that God is good and trustworthy when things are going well. It something altogether different to hold to the truth that God is good and trustworthy when no particular circumstance in your life would indicate that goodness.
My challenge is to ask yourself the following questions, honestly, before the Lord:
1) Do you hold your life as so precious that you avoid suffering for the sake of personal comfort?
2) Have you 'sold everything' and made Christ your treasure?
3) Have you asked God to test you in these things?
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Liberated Thinking
Romans 12:2a
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind
I have written some on this verse already, and it is likely that I will return to it in the future. This is a passage that I revisit frequently because I know its truth is continually applicable. For this post, I have one simple point (with two subpoints...I couldn't resist).
The main point is simple: Transformation comes from thinking differently, and thinking differently requires better thinking.
It must be first noted that renewed thinking comes by the power of the Holy Spirit. In the same way that He changes our hearts, He likewise enlightens our minds. This is reassuring because as we pursue deeper and better thinking, we don't have to come up with anything on our own. We can 'lean not on our own understanding' but rather look to Him to bring about revelation. Our own faulty thinking - brought about by our nature, society, media, and the like - is not overcome by trying harder or reading more, necessarily. However, when we are full of the Spirit, reading more can lead to greater revelation. Prayer can lead to vision. Writing can be compelling. Thinking can be beautiful.
Once we understand that it is the Holy Spirit who renews the mind, we are free to prayerfully engage in the life of the mind - to think better, in other words. We can read the Bible and understand not only what it reveals about us but also what it reveals about God. We can listen to the lyrics of a song and understand the deeper imagery being drawn on in the interplay of words and music. We can watch a movie and see the layers of the characters. We can engage with culture without being conformed to it. We can discover what, in the words of Mark Driscoll, we can receive, reject, and redeem. In so doing, we are able to deepen our understanding of the world around us without being conformed to it by the grace of God and the power of His Spirit.
My encouragement is this: When you read a book; when you watch a movie; when you peruse the newspaper; when you listen to the radio - think about the messages being preached. As Christians, we listen to sermons every week from a pulpit. The world is preaching as well, through all the mediums mentioned above. We do not have the luxury of relaxing our minds during these times. Pay attention to the messages being preached and understand what the implications are. In this way you can experience your renewed, and liberated, mind while avoiding conformity to the world.
Happy thinking.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Game On
I got mad at the devil this evening.
Allow me to explain:
As pretty much everyone reading this knows (and if you don't, you're in for a shocker), my wife Christen passed away on January 9. What most people don't know is what has continued to transpire in my more extended family since then. I'll give you both the good and the bad so that you have a more complete picture.
On the good side, my family's spiritual vitality since Christen's passing has been at an all-time high. Frankly speaking, Christen's funeral service was a wake-up call to a few members of my family, namely my brother and one of my cousins. My brother has become nothing short of prolific in his writing about Christianity from the perspective of someone who's been asleep for awhile and has recently awoken, only to find that the world is far more interesting than the dream he was having while asleep. If you want to read some of his thoughts, I'd highly encourage checking out his blog, aptly named Cromulent Thoughts (any Simpsons fans reading this will understand that reference). He puts up weekly posts, and while they have some length to them, they are worth the read (and I don't say that flippantly).
On the bad side, there have been some additional medical issues that have arisen within my family. My grandpa, who is in his mid-80s and has been suffering from Parkinson's for the past decade or more, slipped and fell a few weeks back, hitting his head and necessitating a visit to the ER, a trip down to Peoria for a few days, and now a few weeks in a nursing home while he goes through some physical therapy. He will likely be back home in a few days, but that put the family on alert again. Additionally, just this past week, my dad got up in the middle of the night and essentially passed out a few times before he ended up in the ER. He'd been having some stomach troubles for a little while, but it ended up being more serious than anyone thought - he has a bleeding ulcer. He was in the hospital for a few days, returning home just this evening (as I write, it's Sunday, April 1). All of this is just on the medical side of things.
Before I go any further, let me be clear about something: I am not writing all of this to complain. I am not writing all of this to elicit sympathy or pity. I am most definitely not writing this to attract attention to me or my family.
I am writing this because this evening I got a glimpse into the enemy's strategy, and I got mad about it. Real mad. And not like a 'gosh, I wish you would leave me alone' kind of mad. More like a 'seriously, that's how you want to do this?' kind of mad. I got mad because he's a liar and a schemer and a deceiver. I got mad because, as one trying to fight the good fight (literally, war the good warfare), I recognized that one of his strategies was to overwhelm me into silence.
It must be understood that I don't necessarily believe that all the events that took place were aimed at me. I think there are plans of God and schemes of Satan that are far more complex than that, taking into account all the lives involved and their respective reactions to different situations. I do, however, believe that Satan has a particular strategy for how I process all of the events that have transpired. His goal has been to keep the shots coming until I've dug myself in so deep I don't want to come out. That I get so entrenched in all the stuff happening and take my eyes off of the bigger picture and the larger plans God has designed. Effectively, that I take my eyes off of Him entirely and stare fixedly at the walls of my fox-hole. I realized all of this tonight, and I realized that I had fallen into that trap. And I got mad.
You see, this is a war, not a battle. In a battle, you have to have good tactics in order to win. You have to have the right formation, the right timing, the right terrain, the right discipline. Anyone can win a battle under the right circumstances. In a war, however, you have to have the best strategy in order to win. It means you know the battles you can lose, the positions from which you can fall back, but also where you must hold and advance in order to win the whole war.
I've been focused on battles going on around me and lost sight of the war. In this, I had lost my passion for the things Christen and I had spent countless hours discussing and planning. I didn't realize, until tonight, that this is precisely how Satan wants me to respond to these circumstances. I have been on the defensive, as it were, reeling from one attack after another, trying to 'hold it together' while I retreated further and further into the immediacy of my life. In taking it 'one day at a time', I ended up allowing each day to hit me, focusing more on surviving it rather than thriving in it.
Jesus says that He will build His Church, 'and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it (Matthew 16:18).' That's a statement of attack. To be at the gates is to be storming the very stronghold of an enemy. The Church storms the strongholds of hell, tearing them down with weapons not of this world (2 Corinthians 10:4). Jesus is the 5-star General of this war, and it's His strategy that's already broken the back of Satan - the plan He and the Father planned out before the foundations of the world, that He would come, live as a man, do so perfectly, die unjustly yet sacrificially, rise powerfully, and save people graciously, mercifully, and lovingly. In doing this, the war was won. What I lost sight of is the fact that the victory has already been obtained in Jesus. Oh! what a victory! We, the Church, have the privilege of now moving into enemy territory, not as fearful civilians constantly on the defensive, but as 'more than conquerors', destroying the enemy's strongholds as we go and seeing those bound up in his dungeons loosed from their chains and set free - only to join in the constant advance of Christ and His Church.
I titled this post 'Game On', but I do not believe this is in any way a game. It is war. It is life and death. Satan has won some battles recently in my life, but in executing his clever tactics, he exposed his strategy and, by God's grace, I have seen the weakness in it. Satan is a formidable foe, to be sure, and one that I cannot defeat in my own strength or cleverness. In Christ, however, I can see him overcome and overthrown in my life and seek the same in the lives of others.
I recognize that I did not go into specifics regarding what was revealed to me this evening. Over the coming weeks and months, I will be writing more about the things Christen and I had been thinking through prior to her passing. It was our hope to see these things come to pass in the next year or two. In God's providence, that timeline has been thrown off course. I believe this will only strengthen what will come next. Armed with greater understanding, I will begin to think through (again) what she and I were working on. You will begin to see more posts over the coming weeks and months regarding particular church-y buzz words like 'mission', 'community', 'discipleship', 'evangelism', and the like. In reengaging these topics, I believe I will be getting out of my fox-hole and joining in the on-going destruction of strongholds as Jesus builds His Church.
Allow me to explain:
As pretty much everyone reading this knows (and if you don't, you're in for a shocker), my wife Christen passed away on January 9. What most people don't know is what has continued to transpire in my more extended family since then. I'll give you both the good and the bad so that you have a more complete picture.
On the good side, my family's spiritual vitality since Christen's passing has been at an all-time high. Frankly speaking, Christen's funeral service was a wake-up call to a few members of my family, namely my brother and one of my cousins. My brother has become nothing short of prolific in his writing about Christianity from the perspective of someone who's been asleep for awhile and has recently awoken, only to find that the world is far more interesting than the dream he was having while asleep. If you want to read some of his thoughts, I'd highly encourage checking out his blog, aptly named Cromulent Thoughts (any Simpsons fans reading this will understand that reference). He puts up weekly posts, and while they have some length to them, they are worth the read (and I don't say that flippantly).
On the bad side, there have been some additional medical issues that have arisen within my family. My grandpa, who is in his mid-80s and has been suffering from Parkinson's for the past decade or more, slipped and fell a few weeks back, hitting his head and necessitating a visit to the ER, a trip down to Peoria for a few days, and now a few weeks in a nursing home while he goes through some physical therapy. He will likely be back home in a few days, but that put the family on alert again. Additionally, just this past week, my dad got up in the middle of the night and essentially passed out a few times before he ended up in the ER. He'd been having some stomach troubles for a little while, but it ended up being more serious than anyone thought - he has a bleeding ulcer. He was in the hospital for a few days, returning home just this evening (as I write, it's Sunday, April 1). All of this is just on the medical side of things.
Before I go any further, let me be clear about something: I am not writing all of this to complain. I am not writing all of this to elicit sympathy or pity. I am most definitely not writing this to attract attention to me or my family.
I am writing this because this evening I got a glimpse into the enemy's strategy, and I got mad about it. Real mad. And not like a 'gosh, I wish you would leave me alone' kind of mad. More like a 'seriously, that's how you want to do this?' kind of mad. I got mad because he's a liar and a schemer and a deceiver. I got mad because, as one trying to fight the good fight (literally, war the good warfare), I recognized that one of his strategies was to overwhelm me into silence.
It must be understood that I don't necessarily believe that all the events that took place were aimed at me. I think there are plans of God and schemes of Satan that are far more complex than that, taking into account all the lives involved and their respective reactions to different situations. I do, however, believe that Satan has a particular strategy for how I process all of the events that have transpired. His goal has been to keep the shots coming until I've dug myself in so deep I don't want to come out. That I get so entrenched in all the stuff happening and take my eyes off of the bigger picture and the larger plans God has designed. Effectively, that I take my eyes off of Him entirely and stare fixedly at the walls of my fox-hole. I realized all of this tonight, and I realized that I had fallen into that trap. And I got mad.
You see, this is a war, not a battle. In a battle, you have to have good tactics in order to win. You have to have the right formation, the right timing, the right terrain, the right discipline. Anyone can win a battle under the right circumstances. In a war, however, you have to have the best strategy in order to win. It means you know the battles you can lose, the positions from which you can fall back, but also where you must hold and advance in order to win the whole war.
I've been focused on battles going on around me and lost sight of the war. In this, I had lost my passion for the things Christen and I had spent countless hours discussing and planning. I didn't realize, until tonight, that this is precisely how Satan wants me to respond to these circumstances. I have been on the defensive, as it were, reeling from one attack after another, trying to 'hold it together' while I retreated further and further into the immediacy of my life. In taking it 'one day at a time', I ended up allowing each day to hit me, focusing more on surviving it rather than thriving in it.
Jesus says that He will build His Church, 'and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it (Matthew 16:18).' That's a statement of attack. To be at the gates is to be storming the very stronghold of an enemy. The Church storms the strongholds of hell, tearing them down with weapons not of this world (2 Corinthians 10:4). Jesus is the 5-star General of this war, and it's His strategy that's already broken the back of Satan - the plan He and the Father planned out before the foundations of the world, that He would come, live as a man, do so perfectly, die unjustly yet sacrificially, rise powerfully, and save people graciously, mercifully, and lovingly. In doing this, the war was won. What I lost sight of is the fact that the victory has already been obtained in Jesus. Oh! what a victory! We, the Church, have the privilege of now moving into enemy territory, not as fearful civilians constantly on the defensive, but as 'more than conquerors', destroying the enemy's strongholds as we go and seeing those bound up in his dungeons loosed from their chains and set free - only to join in the constant advance of Christ and His Church.
I titled this post 'Game On', but I do not believe this is in any way a game. It is war. It is life and death. Satan has won some battles recently in my life, but in executing his clever tactics, he exposed his strategy and, by God's grace, I have seen the weakness in it. Satan is a formidable foe, to be sure, and one that I cannot defeat in my own strength or cleverness. In Christ, however, I can see him overcome and overthrown in my life and seek the same in the lives of others.
I recognize that I did not go into specifics regarding what was revealed to me this evening. Over the coming weeks and months, I will be writing more about the things Christen and I had been thinking through prior to her passing. It was our hope to see these things come to pass in the next year or two. In God's providence, that timeline has been thrown off course. I believe this will only strengthen what will come next. Armed with greater understanding, I will begin to think through (again) what she and I were working on. You will begin to see more posts over the coming weeks and months regarding particular church-y buzz words like 'mission', 'community', 'discipleship', 'evangelism', and the like. In reengaging these topics, I believe I will be getting out of my fox-hole and joining in the on-going destruction of strongholds as Jesus builds His Church.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)