The Greatness of Our God

Yesterday I wrote about Christen and the impact her life had on so many. And many of you responded to that post validating what was written there. Truly, her life was one that was well-lived. Today, I want to take the opportunity to sum up the many lessons I have learned by the grace of God in this past year.

I have written much about the goodness of God. And I will continue to write on that theme because I truly believe that if people, Christians or non-Christians, could grasp the depth of that truth, then whole families, towns, cities, states, and nations would be transformed.

But today, I write about His greatness.

I made a statement at Christen's funeral that has become a refrain for many, and one I, myself, continue to speak: God is going to receive greater glory from Christen's passing than by raising her up from her sick bed. When I made that statement, I knew it to be true. But I must confess to you all now that I made it purely on faith. At the time, I didn't really see it. Yes, there was an outpouring of love and many immediate testimonies. Still, I was waiting and watching and anticipating what God was going to do. Honestly, I was straining for it, wanting to see it with great desperation. 'Oh God, show Yourself in this!!!' was my constant prayer.

His loving and gentle hand came in, quieted my unrest, stilled my soul, and instructed me to focus on being with Him in my grief. To stop thinking so much about what He was going to do. By His grace, I was calmed and learned what it meant to remain in His love. To be quiet. Still. Silent. And let Him work on me. In me. Through me.

Dear reader, God rewards faith! As I focused on Him, He, being a good Dad, pulled back the curtain of His sovereignty just an inch and let me get a glimpse of how He was working. I saw a sliver of the big picture of His plan. I have had the amazing and humbling privilege of seeing and hearing all that God has worked in people's lives. I said "God will receive greater glory", and He has responded to that desperate, faith-filled statement by saying, 'See? Do you see what I'm doing? This isn't even a fraction of all I have in this. Do not fear or be discouraged. I am working it all out for good - yours and theirs. Remain in Me, and you will renew your strength.'

A few examples:

• My family members who have awoken from a spiritual slumber only to find God has given them a voice to influence generations of young people through their instruction both in the classroom and the ministry.
• The husband and wife who have twins but would have had triplets if not for losing one. They read the words of grief from this blog and wept together in their own grief. Months later, I had a beautiful conversation with the husband over the phone while on my way home from work, and we were mutually encouraged in how God was so good, so faithful, and so present in our lives.
• The books gathered and sent, along with Christen's photo and a short note about her, to Africa to help educate children there who had no access to something as simple as a book.
• The blog post about Christen's mothering, written by a friend for the purpose of advancing awareness of child sex trafficking in India.
• The dozens of Facebook direct messages I received that began with, "I've never met you or Christen, but..." which then went on to describe personal revivals, inspired faith, hope for tomorrow, and restoration from brokenness.
• The pastor that caught wind of this story, read up on this blog and Christen's, having never met either of us, spoke to his people about faith and joy and praise in the midst of suffering and grief, and saw his people unite in worship to an awesome God.
• The worldwide Church that united in prayer for Christen, me, and the kids. Every populated continent was represented in prayer. The unity of Christ's global Bride was evident in a way I've never seen.
• The married couple that looked at each other with fresh eyes, refusing to take any moment they have together for granted.
• The parents who hugged their kids just a little more and a little longer, who learned to grow in grace for their little ones.
• The woman who started reading Christen's blog and realized she was missing something: peace. And she learned that she could only find it in Christ, so she's been following Him ever since.

God did not have to reveal these examples (and the many more not listed). He didn't have to prompt them to message, email, text, call, or talk to me. He could have simply executed His will, great as it is. But He did. Because He's good and loving and gracious and merciful. It was His way of saying, 'Don't lose heart. I am working. I AM.' His grace for me at those times was beyond anything I could have expected. This was one of my lessons: God's grace is more abounding to His people than we often recognize. Be still in Him, and He will show us great things He's working in the world.

I learned that, when I was at the end of myself, He would show up to give me fresh strength. It was just enough for that day, but it was what I needed. Early on, I felt very much like 1/2 a person having to carry 2 people's loads. It was overwhelming. God showed up in the form of His people, surrounding me with love - love in helping with tangible needs as well as spiritual. He showed up in His Word or a song or the energy of my kids. He loved me with the truth as well. He did not allow me to pity myself or what I was facing. His constant, loving encouragement to me was, 'You have no option; you have to do this. So get up. Don't worry, you're not alone. I'm here.'

I learned what Christen meant when she asked, 'What about a supernatural grieving process?' As in, what can God really do with my grief if I am fully surrendered to His purposes? What He does is bring a peace that is unfathomable, a love that is incurable, a faith that is insurmountable, and a joy that is indescribable.

And that is the real miracle: He truly gives joy in the midst of sadness. It seems like such a contradiction. But take a moment and really think about it. God responds to the cry, the wail, of His people, and His response inherently involves His presence. What else but joy can be felt when His people are in His presence? At my lowest moments He was closest. He didn't have to say anything; I knew He was there with me, and that was enough.

I experienced this lesson in an overwhelming way just two days ago. It was January 8, the day before the one-year mark of Christen's passing. For most of you reading this, the day she passed, January 9, is 'the day', the truly difficult day when much is remembered and grieved afresh. For me, 'the day' was really the day before, January 8. You see, that was the day I had the early morning conversation with the doctor - the 'there's nothing more we can do' conversation. The day of tremendous battling. Prayer. Believing. Fighting with myself. Remaining composed so I could process what was happening and make appropriate decisions when asked. Weeping with those close. Exhorting and encouraging others. Reminding myself that this was all actually happening.

One year later, God chose to simply bear down on me all day, pouring more and more joy into my heart. I was ready to burst. "It's too much, Lord!" I cried. I didn't ask for it. In fact, I didn't realize the real significance of the day until it was over. He showed up with force from the moment my eyes opened. I read the Word, and it was satisfying. I had lunch with a friend, and it was edifying. I listened to some new music, and I praised Him for just being Him. He knew what that day meant, and He showed up, showed off, and confirmed that there is no stopping His unending, unyielding love for His child!

Beloved, this is as true for you as it has been for me. Take Him at His Word:

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died - more than that, who was raised - who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.'

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."  ~Romans 8:26-39